jl1962
03-01-2013, 11:25 AM
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly
and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't fit you
anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes
the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's
wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and
see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they
play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build
targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with
an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said,
"No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with
you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn
me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's
cool."
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly
and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't fit you
anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes
the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's
wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and
see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they
play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build
targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with
an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said,
"No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with
you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn
me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's
cool."