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View Full Version : Favorite movie quotes, comedies only, please.



Tidbart
10-06-2010, 04:28 PM
There was thread many years ago about this subject but I am starting another with only quotes from comedies. Might as leave the movie title off and let the next guys guess the movie.


"Ah, that Barney Rubble, what an actor."

Bob

hardcrab
10-06-2010, 05:25 PM
" and don't call me Shirley"

................... Airplane !

zelatore
10-06-2010, 05:39 PM
There's waaaay to much to choose from here!

I'll go with an easy one. These are all from the same movie.

What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?

I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

It's Mega Maid. She's gone from suck to blow!

We're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed!

They've gone to Plaid!

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine...let's see how you handle it.

hardcrab
10-06-2010, 06:27 PM
" He hates cans! "

....... The Jerk

jonzis donzi
10-06-2010, 07:16 PM
"It's time to nut up or shut up!"

jonzis donzi
10-06-2010, 07:19 PM
"Machine gun jubblies. How'd I miss those, Baby?"

Ghost
10-06-2010, 07:23 PM
Lots of really good ones. I always loved the cans from The Jerk.

Still, for me, this is about the funniest thing ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNP6gOMuBP0&feature=related

Marvair
10-06-2010, 07:35 PM
"I don't think the heavy stuff will be commin down for hours"


Caddy Shack

Carl C
10-06-2010, 08:00 PM
"Where can a guy get a rub and a tug around here?"

"Mystery, Alaska"

hardcrab
10-06-2010, 08:03 PM
"We're all gonna have so much fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles.
You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-do-dah out your azzholes"

Clark Grizwald ; Vacation

Ghost
10-06-2010, 08:23 PM
Doctor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0519043/): Don't worry, scrote. There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now.



Joe Bowers (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005561/): Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y'know?
Frito (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1009277/): I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.



President Camacho (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0187719/): $hit. I know $hit's bad right now, with all that starving bull$hit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
South Carolina Representative # 1: That's what you said last time, dip$hit!
South Carolina Representative # 2: Yeah, I got a solution, you're a dick! South Carolina, what's up!



Carl's Jr. Computer (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0951838/): Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
Woman at Carl's Jr. (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0434526/): You didn't give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Carl's Jr. Computer (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0951838/): Would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?
Woman at Carl's Jr. (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0434526/): I said I didn't get any!
Carl's Jr. Computer (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0951838/): Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Woman at Carl's Jr. (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0434526/): What? Oh no, NO!
[She hits the machine. An alarm goes off, and a sign appears on the computer saying "WARNING! Carl's Jr. Frowns Upon Vandalism"]
Carl's Jr. Computer (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0951838/): I'm sorry you're having trouble. I'm sorry you're having trouble.
Woman at Carl's Jr. (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0434526/): Come on! My kids are starvin'!
Carl's Jr. Computer (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0951838/): [the woman kicks the computer, and it sprays a fast-acting tranquilizer in her face] This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr... "F#ck You, I'm Eating."
[Joe approaches the computer]
Carl's Jr. Computer (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0951838/): Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!

Phil S
10-06-2010, 08:40 PM
"Watch your language, young feller, this is a public market. Now if you want Dapper Dan, I can order it for you, have it in a couple of weeks.

Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere!"

DickB
10-06-2010, 09:51 PM
"Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" - Mae West

VetteLT193
10-07-2010, 12:14 PM
"Alllllrighty then" -- Ace Ventura

"The price is wrong, B!@#$" --Happy Gilmore to Bob Barker

VetteLT193
10-07-2010, 12:19 PM
Also... pretty much the entire movie "Old School" is quotable...

And, even though not a comedy normally, when Die Hard gets played on regular TV it becomes one because of this line: "Yippie Kai Yai, Mister Falcon"

hardcrab
10-07-2010, 01:38 PM
Maitre d' : "Good evening sir, and how are we today ?"

Mr. Creosote : " Better "

Maitre d' : " Better ?"

Mr. Creosote : " Better get me a bucket, I'm gonna throw up "




................... The Meaning of Life

zelatore
10-07-2010, 01:50 PM
It's waffer thin...

zelatore
10-07-2010, 01:58 PM
From a fine 80's comedy:

Mr. Rhythm: don't let your d!ck run your life

Tyrone: ...and don't think I feel sorry for you 'cause your daddy died. My father came back from the Korean War with his brains so scrambled, he thought he was Jesus! They put him in a nuthouse for five years, when he came out, he didn't think he was Jesus no more, he thought he was God. Which made me Jesus. This **** got pretty heavy.

And although I can't remember exactly which character opened the line-

???: Dell, you alright in there?
Dell: (from behind closed bathroom door) Never better, just doing a little intestinal yoga!

Papu
10-07-2010, 02:00 PM
"This is it boys, nuclear combat, toe to toe with the Ruskies."

hardcrab
10-07-2010, 03:37 PM
"Where's the money, Lebowski ?"

"It's down there somewhere, let me take another look"

zelatore
10-07-2010, 04:04 PM
Oh, and Mike, that's not so obscure. President Camancho was the give-away.

Marvair
10-07-2010, 06:44 PM
"All this talkin about Bitches....Where are yo Bitches"

"Yea"

"It ain't cool to be no jive turkey this close to Thanksgiving"

"Yea"

"He said the phone in the limo is broke......Is ya ignant"

Trading Places

Ghost
10-07-2010, 07:11 PM
"This is it boys, nuclear combat, toe to toe with the Ruskies."

...precious bodily fluids...

BobinCovington
10-07-2010, 10:42 PM
Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Bill Murray - Caddyshack

All the great quotes to live by (that I use and love) come from Caddy Shack, The Jerk, Animal House and a few others

Team Jefe
10-08-2010, 11:49 AM
I'm offline for a few weeks and y'all forget the best Donzi Line of all:

"I don't know how to tell you this.....but around here, I'm a pretty big deal!"

Ghost
10-08-2010, 05:21 PM
"The metric system?"


"How come I'm on brain detail? You the motherf###cker that shot him."


"Let's not all suck each other's d##ks just yet."

Ghost
10-08-2010, 05:33 PM
Where's Katy?

Downstairs, pissed off about something.

She thinks you're an immature jerk?

Yeah. I don't take anything seriously.

She'lll take THIS seriously.

Ghost
10-08-2010, 05:42 PM
He's got his hands on her tits right at the table.

Stop staring.

European standards of public behavior are different than ours.

But they're from Akron.

...

He's going to pork her.

He isn't going to pork her. Now eat.

I think he is.

He may pork her. Just eat, okay?

hardcrab
10-08-2010, 06:08 PM
"Navin, it's your birthday and it's time you know. You're not our natural born child."


"I'm NOT ? .......... You mean I"m gonna STAY this color?"

RacnJasn
10-09-2010, 12:35 AM
"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it"

"50 bucks the Smails kid picks his nose."

Caddy Shack

mike o
10-09-2010, 11:41 AM
Excuse me WHILE I WHIP THIS OUT ......:kingme: Blazing Saddles

Ghost
10-10-2010, 10:39 AM
"Oh Finch!"

"Oh...Stifler's mom!"

hardcrab
10-10-2010, 10:40 AM
MMMMMM........... Juicy Fruit !

Donzi Vol
10-10-2010, 12:44 PM
"The metric system?"


"How come I'm on brain detail? You the motherf###cker that shot him."


"Let's not all suck each other's d##ks just yet."

YES! I just started reading this thread and was trying to decide what Pulp Fiction quote to go with. My usual go to is "Well that seems to be the situation," when Jules is at gunpoint with Honey Bunny.

On a side note, I was in a college lecture one time (probably around 100 kids), and after a guy got a question right someone in the back yells, "Look at the big brain on Brad!" I think I peed my pants a little I was laughing so hard.