hey guys been a while I need some help

[Moody Blu']

I havent been around much, the boat is sitting on my property at this point its not something I have been tinkering with. Im trying to get my priorities straight and start a life with my girlfriend.

there viewpoint, ideas and thoughts on my situation with my girlfriend.

first you have to understand my childhood.
I was raised by my mother(single mother) till 7 years old in manhattan and she regretfully passed away due to cancer. My father lived in manhattan as well but he just couldnt take care of me. So i moved in with my mothers brother(my uncle) and his wife.

now the present

I met my girlfriend 3 years ago shes russian jewish. She divorced her dead beat husband because he beat her up really bad and he pretty much lived off of her families money (no job) thought he was the man. After the 2nd date she told me she had a daughter(now 7 years old). I was cool with that. Thing was I couldn't go to her house because she didn't want her kid to get confused.

So we would go out in NYC and usually go to a hotel that night and have some fun. the next morning she would have to go home to take care of her kid. She never left her kid home alone when we would rent a hotel, she had a live in maid that would put them to bed.

when i met her I had back problems from my injury at work and was going to physical therapy. it was a prolonged rehab and wa snot working and my doctor came to the conclusion i needed surgery. So I decided to go through with the surgery.

2 days before my surgery she broke up with me out of the blue. I celled her occasionally just to keep in otuch because I really loved her and was devastated by her dropping me like that. She didn't tell me why she broke up with me until we got back together. She met a guy who was russian jewish and thought he was the one. Turns out he was married and she knew. that relationship was dead from the start... So she had realized I was always nice to her and one day she called me up and we met up. then we started going out again. we were still doing the dinner hotel thing. we actually went down the shore once too.

Then we planned a real vacation, we went to cabo(just the 2 of us). right around end of january beg of febuary. We had a great time and really enjoyed our vacation.

when we got back we made dinner plans to go out. She mentioned how she wanted to take our relationship to the next level. meaning coming to her house and meeting her kid. her being russian jewish and me not being jewish was something she thought her father would not allow. Seems his thought on that have changed because she asked him. he said whatever makes you happy.

Heres the kicker she had ONE thing to tell me that she was keeping from me since we first met.
I had no clue what it could be. I thought she was going to tell me she was still married. or there was someone else.

it was neither. she told me she had a second child a 4 year old son(both from her first marriage). She told me she didnt want to tell me about the 2nd kid because she thought I would have split right away. I'm not like that. was I mad? of course, though she may have been right. Her thoughts were that we were just having fun and she didnt think anything serious would come out of us. but that changed.

So, to me the relationship really started about 6-7 months ago. everything before that was just a hook up booty call etc. she would always say how we could never be together because i wasn't jewish. obviously things are different.


I met her kids, there very bright and I love kids. I have 3 nieces and they have always been so happy to see me. I was always plaful with them etc. anyway, now that everything was out in the open I started noticing how her kids did not listen to her. she never disciplined them when they disobeyed her etc. I had brought up the fact that there her kids and I really have no say at the point we were at how to raise them.She wanted me to suggest things to turn that around. They are pretty much spoiled from there grandparents and uncles. they pretty much act good when they know there going to get something. Not really bad kids just spoiled and disobedient.

So this stuff really aggravated me and I was not pissed at her kids. I was pissed at my girlfriend for allowing her kids to walk all over her. after agreeing on my suggestions her kids have gotten better. they still don't listen to well though and usually if they don't listen she just gives up and lets them do what they want, bad move in my eyes. what do you guys/gals think about that?


Now here is the reason why I don't mind her having two kids. Like i said in the beginning I was raised by my mother all on her own. After I grew up I would see my friends with there parents and it would bring a tear to my eye because it was something I never really had. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what us single parent kids grew up with and how we felt when we would see another kid with both parents.

So if I can save her kids from growing up like that I would be more than happy to be there for them. Its not the reason I want to be with her of course. I love her and shes really easy going and we get along really well.

We planned a vacation to miami with her kids and her friend, friends husband and friends cousin from turkey. This vacation was very aggravating for me. the kids WERE being good but they were still not listening to me or her. example, her son would be standing on the booth type seat jumping and walking on it in a 3 star resturaunt. Even after me telling him to sit down and his mom he continued to do it. what am I suppose to do if she just lets it go and lets him do it? Any point after that would just turn into an argument at a resturaunt. So I would have to let it go, but it would make me aggravated. this kind of stuff happened occasionaly. the daughter was VERY VERY well behaved a huge improvement from when i had first met her. another example we were walking on the street and there was a detailed super clean lambo galardo parked on the street with a huge sign do not touch. the son goes up to it and slides his hand over the bumper. I snapped and yelled at him, whats that sign say? My reason for snapping was 1 Im in miami 2 if the owner saw it and got pissed he would go after me not the kid. I could see it the guy coming up to me yelling (wtf ever teach your kid to not touch other peoples property!!) I realized I went over board but. what if it really happened? I pretty much know you guys dont like people touching your cars and what if it was some muscle bound roid freak?

then my issue with my girl. I rented 2 mopeds for us to drive around miami. I have raced dirt bikes and atv's on a professional level, owned my own atv race company, was a builder prepper and mechanic at a motorcycle dealership. I have Had motorcycles come back to the dealer TOTALED with the guys seriously injured or dead. Along with all the stories of people getting smacked by cars etc. Another words I have a huge amount of experience with motorcycles.

I instructed my girl how to operate the moped. I had told her I wanted her to be in front of me In case something happened (like falling off the moped) I could shield her from being hit by a car etc. I also instructed her to use the fornt brake and not the rear (stops faster and is the right way to ride a moped).

she was not listening to the instructions I gave her. She did not want to be in front of me. she claimed she needed to watch what I was doing in order to do it on her bike?? she would yell at me thats where she wanted to be, In back of me, FINE i let that slide it wasnt that much of an issue. the rear brake on her moped would squeal when used so anytime she would use it I would know. at traffic lights she was not stopping in time and almost going into the intersection because she was using the rear brake. I kept repeating myself use the front brake. she kept telling me she was but I KNEW she wasnt. then she said she ws more comfortable using the rear. well after a while she finally started using the front brake.
Her not listening to me a profesional rider really aggravated me and made me feel disrespected. she didnt htink it was a big deal but because of my experience it could have meant life or death.

so the trip was very aggravating even when we were riding the mopeds. at least in the begnining. she got better and finally listenend.



NOW this is a major reason why I posted this thread. I had to let you know the background info so you guys/gals know where im coming from



right after I had my back surgery and started to recover(my gf and I were not together at this point for 6 months) I began to start my current company, Lenardo Design Group. I do mid to high end custom smart houses,lighting, media rooms and home theaters as well as commercial installs.

before i started my company I worked for a couple home theater companies. My last job at sound city I was bringing in anywhere from 10k-30k profit a month for the company and would make a measly 4-6k a month. I was busting my ass 5-6 days a week doing trouble shoting service calls from the crap systems they had done in the past. meeting with clients working out proposals to suit there needs and budget. as well as designing systems overseeing the installs and finally programming the remotes.

after my injury I decided I could do this on my own and would only have to do about 5-6 large systems a year to make the same amount of money. I would have more time to do what I want when I want. All the jobs I have done are word of mouth.
my girlfriend brought up advertisement and I started on a ad and designed it all by myself.I should be getting the ads SOON. I will be going house to house by the mansions in the areas and putting them in the doors.

I work from home, do TONS of research when putting together systems. Once the proposals are done I either do a prewire of the house and have to wait for the construction to be done. Sometimes this takes months. so some jobs are spread out over a couple months. once construction is near completion I order all the equipment. Sometimes I have to stay at home for4-5 days just waiting on my orders to come in so I can sign for the products. they will NOT leave the equipment unsigned for. Once the equipment comes in I am ready for install. Depending on the job size It can take from 3 days to 2 weeks. On a 3 day job I would make the same or more as I would busting my butt all moth at my old jobs. My company has progressively become busier and with a advertisemnt campaign right around the corner with an ingenious way to sell the systems I believe it will become even better!!

now that you have the background on that. here is the issue with my girlfriend. She thinks im lazy and I could be doing much more then I am. She says I spend money on my cars and bikes and I'm immature and I act like I'm a little kid with all my hobbies? She says I stay home and do nothing all day. which is not totally true. sure I wake up late(10ish) but I'm up till around 3am. when I have no jobs to do, at this point I have been playing it safe and don't do too much so I don't waste money. My company is still in its infancy and I need to be able to pay my mortgage and all my bills. which I do all on my own. My girlfriend always has help with money if she needs it. I don't think she understands that I am completely independent and her telling me im lazy and immature while she is dependent on her family is just plain disrespectful in my eyes.

her viewpoint is I could be doing so much more. shes right, but it takes money to make money. When I first started my company I had to shell out large sums of money to become a dealer for the equipment I use. like I said before my company is still in its infancy stages and it has been growing steadily but it doesn't mean I will be busy 5 days a week. she keeps saying how its not normal, its not right etc.


when i explain all this stuff to my friends they pretty much say I'm independent and some of them envy me for the way I positioned myself.

I didn't stumble upon getting myself where I am today. I did a lot of strategic things to get to where I am today. I believe its called working smarter not harder. WHEN I do work however I work VERY VERY HARD. I am a perfectionist when it comes to the systems I design, install and program. It shows as well systems that operate perfect with no problems. all of this was form experience of what to do and what not to do from the previous companies I worked with.

also, the house I am living in is quite frankly a piece of crap. However I did not buy the house for the house. I bought it for the property. I have enough property to zone it for 3 houses. Which has been my plan from the purchase(all in time) I stand to make a large amount of money after the houses are built. my girlfriend tells me as wel as others theres so much BS involved in building houses and drawbacks etc. Thing is ive worked with builders have tons of connections. I know who does good work and who I plan on using once I start my project. Ive been in houses from start to finish and know what is involved and honestly its all gravy to me.

I have tried to get my point across and keep repeating myself and she just does not understand. I love this girl and want to marry her but if we cant come to common ground on this I believe this is the breaking point. I could possibly get a 2nd job but that will take away from my company and thats the last thing I want to do. Unless you guys/gals have any ideas?

I just don't understand why she doesnt understand I own a new company that has been growing. I feel like i have to prove myself to her. Nothing is going to change overnight though I know it is gong to be favorable. Its just a matter of time.

So with all I have said to describe the situation with my girlfriend.Please let me know what you think about her view and what I have said about my viewpoint and where I'm heading. I really love her and adore her but this point we are at is killing both of us. we've been arguing over it. she tells me im not listening when in fact I am but her viewpoint in my eyes is misconstrued

If you have any ideas of how to help get through this I would really appreciate it.

A lot of people i talk to tell me to just move on but I'm in love with her and care about her and her kids. so please if you have any suggestions opinions please be blunt. Im sure there will be some dump her posts and thats your opinion your entitled to it. Maybe thats what it will come to but not before trying to work it out. I don't give up easy. maybe thats my problem?


sorry for the long thread, as you can tell I am really trying to make this work.

I really appreciate any and all input positive or negative.


thanks very much for reading.

[BlownCrewCab]

Son of a Bit*h that was long. (J/K) If you love her and she loves you you'll find a way to work it out, if one of those two loves is gone, it isn't going to work.(especially over money) Can you show her/tell her Look sweetie, I Made $XXX.xx last year doing what I'm doing, and by doing what I'm doing I plan to make more. Try to break down your plan and explain it to her, I know you could make enogh off the 3 houses to be set for a year+. Be sure your Hearts are in it before you put your money in it. ( I gotta go eat, otherwise this would be longer) Good luck, hopefully you can have the girl and the Biz.

[gcarter]

Broque, I'll only comment on the kids.....
It's tough raising kids when both of you are the kids parents and you're on the same page. But you're in an impossible situation. It'll NEVER get better than it is now. Just wait till they become teenagers, if you think they don't listen now, wait till then. There's too many folks involved, and you'll really never have any influence.
If you just want to sleep w/her and not take any part in anything else, then go for it. But you're going to be miserable.
Sex can't be the reason you like the relationship. Ya gotta like the person for who they are all the time. If there are segments of a persons life you can't handle (same goes for her) it'll eat your lunch. You'll be miserable.
I'd encourage you to keep your options open.
You're young, there's no rush. Keep your eyes open for a healthier set of circumstances and relationship.

[ky-donzi]

I would study your situation very carefully.

You seem to have a lot of agervation and since I have been recently married and divorced, I can tell you that if it don't feel right before you get married,,, I mean right..... It don't get better after you get married. I had alot of doubts when i got married,,,,, My marriage lasted 1 year.

[yeller]

My wife had 2 kids when I met her. They were 4 and 6 at the time. Now they are 23 and 25. Even though we get along great as a family and I view the kids as my own and they see me as their dad, it is a tough road raising someone else's kids. It worked for me, but I still can't recommend it to someone else. If they don't listen to her, you can be sure they'll NEVER listen to you.

That fact that your looking for advice here tells me you're a long way from having a successful marriage. The problems you have now won't be solved by marriage. It will only make it worse.

The decision is yours and yours only, but because you asked, IMO you need to move on.

[chappy]

Well if you're looking for a little hope, here it is. Try to see yourself through her eyes. Imagine why she's upset with you, and try to resolve the situation. It's ok to disagree. Hell, even agree to disagree, but respect each others opinion, and don't either of you try to impose your will upon the other. If you have any chance at all, it will be through rational conversation, not an argument. I'm not saying this will work, heck, I don't even have to patience to try. :kyle:

Just thought you might want to look at it under a different light, shift your perspective a bit. It's a long road though.....

[Moody Blu']

Well if you're looking for a little hope, here it is. Try to see yourself through her eyes. Imagine why she's upset with you, and try to resolve the situation. It's ok to disagree. Hell, even agree to disagree, but respect each others opinion, and don't either of you try to impose your will upon the other. If you have any chance at all, it will be through rational conversation, not an argument. I'm not saying this will work, heck, I don't even have to patience to try. :kyle:

Just thought you might want to look at it under a different light, shift your perspective a bit. It's a long road though.....


I actually have looked at it from her view point and i just dont see her angle she just doesnt understand the whole building up a company.

she constantly says the same thing, its not right that i work 5-10 days out of the month

meanwhile im a new company, and she knows im starting an ad campaign. so what gives

[gcarter]

I actually have looked at it from her view point and i just dont see her angle she just doesnt understand the whole building up a company
Broque, I don't want to pile on, but what's this about?
What's the most important thing here? The kids being spoiled, or the fact that she thinks you should work harder.
Women want to see men in their lives work hard and be successful. Right now you have very little track record and all she has to go on is what she sees you doing.
I've started and helped start several businesses and I (and we) didn't do it by getting up at 10 AM unless you're working night shift.
Take a look at the men in her life (family members) and see what kind of work ethic they have. If they're work-a-haulics, she'll expect you to be also. Remember the loser? She don't want to see that again. Can't blame her for being sceptical.......

[Moody Blu']

Broque, I don't want to pile on, but what's this about?
What's the most important thing here? The kids being spoiled, or the fact that she thinks you should work harder.
Women want to see men in their lives work hard and be successful. Right now you have very little track record and all she has to go on is what she sees you doing.
I've started and helped start several businesses and I (and we) didn't do it by getting up at 10 AM unless you're working night shift.
Take a look at the men in her life (family members) and see what kind of work ethic they have. If they're work-a-haulics, she'll expect you to be also. Remember the loser? She don't want to see that again. Can't blame her for being sceptical.......

its about my work ethic but i have a company in its infancy stages(moving up slowly but surely)

ive explained to her that when I have work I get up early, but when i dont I sleep in a little. I know whats in store for me once this ad campaign gets off the ground and im all for it.

everyone in her family works for her father at his jewelery store. they all get to work at 10 am and wake up around 8ish they leave work at 5-7pm. when I work I get up at 7-8am and stay at the job site till around 7-10 at night(I bust my ass) and i do it all by myself. just like AUDIOFN(on this board john)

her ex didnt have his own company but thought after 2 weeks in workng at a salon that he could open up his own biz LOL he use to beat her up and didnt do nothing around the house.

I am starting to think I should bail but I don't give up easy. shes a really easy going woman, maybe to easy going. Its a lot more then I can say for a majority of woman who constantly bitch at their men.

this argument we are having is the only thing standing in the way. to be honest if we do get married there are a lot of things I can help with at there jewlery store. they use to have a online website but they just didnt know how to operate it properly. orders werent being shipped out until like 2-3 weeks etc. I have done shipping and recieving and have always been on point with that stuff. thats another thing I can do from home. pick up the orders at the end of the week and ship them all out. Thing is that is something that can't be done until we are married. because if I start now and we end up breaking up they will know there screwed. since they tried it before and failed.

[maddad]

Broque, I've got 1.75 failed marriages under my belt so take this for what it's worth. You may be better off wishing her all the best in her search for the guy she's trying to turn you into. People don't change very often. Even if you could and did, she dosn't sound like she's going to run into your arms and and let you know you're what she always dreamed of.
Not that I'm bitter or anything....

[gold-n-rod]

Run away.
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Run away.

And when you are done................. Run away. :smash::smash::smash:

[DonziFreak]

People don't change, situations do

[vonkamp]

What gold-n-rod said.... Really, life is too short. This is your "Truman Show", don't settle for a bit part.

[MXRoadster]

Moody, I wont tell you what you should do.... but I'll tell you what I would do....
run..........................:nilly:run, run, run, run, run:nilly:


A lot of people i talk to tell me to just move on but I'm in love with her and care about her and her kids.

I'm sorry, but I've been there and done that and it sucked the life right out of me. It's just not worth it if you are already fighting over trivial things.

[Ed Donnelly]

Lived with a lovely lady with 2 kids that were spoiled rotten.
She totally ignored my 2 kids. Was not allowed to reprimand them. That lasted a year..

1st wife was Jewish and the family didn't care about my religion...until
plans were being made..Hope you are circumsized...

Love is a bitch.. Find someone who accepts you for what you are,,,not,,, what she will change you into......Ed

[Ghost]

I too won't tell you what to do, but offer a little big-picture context.

Being persistent and stubborn in trying to make something work is a good trait. Failing to do so is being a quitter.

But when you've tried and tried and it isn't right, there is no shame in the thoughtful decision to part ways, in fact, quite the reverse--it is the best thing for both parties. The most valuable move a poker player makes is a good laydown.

Best of luck with it.

[hardcrab]

You may be better off wishing her all the best in her search for the guy she's trying to turn you into. People don't change very often..

Emotions are an extremely powerful force.

You have to focus on the black and white of it.

[Donziweasel]

I think that the majority of people who have answered your thread are saying it might be best to move on. First, even though you love her, it might not be enough to have a long term marriage. Being in love doesn't necessarily mean you should be together.

Second, I have found that when things get tough in business, your partner should support your efforts, not degrade you. No matter what the situation with Alltrans, Inc., Boo Boo always supports me, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with me.

The kids are a mute point. If you marry, you need to tell her you WILL discipline the kids if they are bad, period! A bad kid can become a good one with love AND discipline.

It seems her expectations are higher than you current situation. That doesn't mean you won't be able to fufill her financial expectations eventually, but she needs to understand you are starting a business and building a clientele.

Finally, she has already ditched you once for someone else. On top of that, it was someone she new was married.

The first vacation is always a test, and it sounded like she failed it.

Although we don't know each other, my advice, even though you love her, is to give this relationship some space for a while. If, down the road, you end up trying to get back together, be completely firm and honest about your expectations from the relationship and that she will have to make some changes if she wants to be with you. Good luck!

[BigGrizzly]

OK Blue, I have two kids and on my second wife. The kids, now 21 and 30 are brothers and friends. On the start I told my current wife that marc was mine and I had final say but would not undermine the authority(this statement was unnecessary on my part because Barb is a great person). Now If she decreed ed an order I would back her to the hill. Also know that Barb is also my best friend. Now I talk with her all the time. Now the kicker. People do not change, wife beaters go back to wife beaters. It always happens. The other part is she is looking for her father a business man with a store front. Everything everyone said before in this post is true. Like Scott says $ problems cause the real issues. The biggest problem is that she is listening to you but isn't hearing a thing you say. She probably thinks that business will die. She is not giving you the support you need and want. As for love, there will be another one if you want it to be. So my final thing is have a real talk and if she doesn't respond run.

[Moody Blu']

OK Blue, I have two kids and on my second wife. The kids, now 21 and 30 are brothers and friends. On the start I told my current wife that marc was mine and I had final say but would not undermine the authority(this statement was unnecessary on my part because Barb is a great person). Now If she decreed ed an order I would back her to the hill. Also know that Barb is also my best friend. Now I talk with her all the time. Now the kicker. People do not change, wife beaters go back to wife beaters. It always happens. The other part is she is looking for her father a business man with a store front. Everything everyone said before in this post is true. Like Scott says $ problems cause the real issues. The biggest problem is that she is listening to you but isn't hearing a thing you say. She probably thinks that business will die. She is not giving you the support you need and want. As for love, there will be another one if you want it to be. So my final thing is have a real talk and if she doesn't respond run.


damn I suppose I really wrote exactly what needed to be written. because a lot of you guys are saying things that are related to the situation within this argument.

as big grizzly(randy) said, "she is listening to you but not hearing you"

u hit the nail on the head. that is the reason this argment has been repeated over and over. I stick to my guns and tell her the same thing. and she keeps saying she knows she knows. SHE DOES NOT KNOW


whats worse is most of this argument is on the phone I keep saying we need to sit down and talk.


all this ammunition I'm getting from your replies is helping me realize that I'm not the one with the issue.

all the posts about leaving her has had me 50/50 on it. the kids can be shaped and I've been letting my girl know this and she has gotten better with them and they are more obedient.

like I said in the thread starter if she doesn't realize what and where im going
then this is the deal breaker

[BlownCrewCab]

Hope this isn't going over the board rules, BUT Some of the best sex ever was with my X Girlfriends, Grudges maybe, Maybe thats why they call it se-X

[BUIZILLA]

if she was lousy in bed would you still be there??

I doubt it...

move on...

Yeller nailed it....

[Patti]

As someone who was a widow at age 23 and left with a 15 month old son to raise alone, all I can say is that the kids are usually the products of their enviornment. Bratty kids are created..not born.

Just remember the kids in all of this..they don't ask for any of this to happen.

I was lucky enough to raise a great young man and Jamie has stepped in and proven to be the best father a person could ask for..he truly has been an amazing presence in Roberts life.

[harbormaster]

DUMP HER before you become successful and have to give her a large chunk of what you own.

If you were the one. she would have known it and not have broken up with you the first time. She also would have been up front and not lied to you. I think all she is looking for is a source of income.

You are not her cup of tea and she is not yours. I seems like You both are settling for each other out of convenience. Life is way too short.

There is someone out there who likes to do what you like to do who would treat you better and make you happier. Someone who would love to be by your side and support your efforts to get your business off the ground.

Do not get blinded by the sex.

[gcarter]

DUMP HER before you become successful and have to give her a large chunk of what you own.

If you were the one. she would have known it and not have broken up with you the first time. She also would have been up front and not lied to you. I think all she is looking for is a source of income.

You are not her cup of tea and she is not yours. I seems like You both are settling for each other out of convenience. Life is way too short.

There is someone out there who likes to do what you like to do who would treat you better and make you happier. Someone who would love to be by your side and support your efforts to get your business off the ground.

Do not get blinded by the sex.
Scot, I agree. In this VERY permissive society, our minds get all screwed up. All wisdom goes out the window.
Take it from someone on their THIRD marriage. I don't think I had any smarts till I was over 40.

[Kirbyvv]

I started my own business 8 years ago. I couldn't have done it without the 100% support of my wife. I could never have done it with my first wife. Without her full support, it won't work. What the others said....

[Moody Blu']

its not about the sex Ive had much better.

this is one of the first major arguments we have had and I hav accepted her for who she is. I need to sit down and talk with her about the whole situation in person. after I have that sit down this will be in the past or I will break it off with her.

I love her because she is a very easy going person. When we go out we always have a good time. Lately we even have a good time with the kids. I know things like her kids behavior wont change overnight but there has been improvement.

I'm really surprised a lot of you(almsot everyone) has said to dump her I just feel thats the easy way out. Since this is one of the only arguments we have had I cant just dump her without talking to her in person and trying to make her understand that this is where I am in my life right now and its going to get better.

[glashole]

she sounds crazier than a pet coon :bonk:


get rid of her, enjoy the success of your new business without the baggage

[Dr. Dan]

:doh: Broque - You can still love her - but you don't need a woman like this in your life. Life is too friggin Short...hell I am too friggin short... but seriously. You will meet alot of great people and some you may even fall in love with...it doesn't mean you have to marry them.

Reminds me of the Talking Heads Song - "...this is not my beautiful wife? ..."

DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT! Have pride in what you are trying to accomplish and surround yourself with Positive Roll Models and Mentors who will motivate you - not undermind you.

You don't need this... for any reason.... Trust Me... she could be "all that and a Bag of Chips" and I would Run and Hide!

Good Luck - There is a Better Life Waiting For You to Join it... :wavey:

Be Well

Doc of Subtle Remarks :spongebob:

[gold-n-rod]

surround yourself with Positive Roll Models and Mentors who will motivate you
OK, everyone, we need to vote to determine what the Good Doctor is referring to.
http://whatscookingamerica.net/Bread/CinnamonRolls6.jpg
http://www.sushilinks.com/sushi-recipes/cucumber-roll.jpg
http://www.lakewoodconferences.com/direct/dbimage/50283171/Cotton_Roll.jpg
http://www.homeinteriorsfurniture.co.uk/userfiles/products/prod_1094/large_rock%20n%20roll.jpg
http://www.geocities.com/perry_peterson_1999/fat-boys.jpg
Regarding the last pic, please don't ask why I was looking on boners.com. It was Google's fault...... really!! :shocking::confused::smash::smash::smash:

[mphatc]

ditto to everything said here, especially about the kids
Broque, you're putting yourself into a situation where there won't be any tranquility, and the struggles you wrote about will only become greater . .
I'm guessing with two kids and a failed marriage she's looking for a sugar daddy . . to care for the kids and her, HER way, possibly much in the ways and beliefs of her ethnic background and beliefs, which you mentioned often, so it must be an important part of who and what she is . .
you on the other hand have always seemd like some what of a free spirit . . with a good work hard ethic . . you need to follow your core beliefs . . there arre more women out there than men . .

RUN FAST and MOVE ON

Mario L.

[BigGrizzly]

Blue leaving her is harder then staying. I hope you can see that. This isn't a race track where you keep trying a turn untill you get it right. This turn changes with every lap. You are not the first with this situation. Don't be a martyr, it doesn't work! Kids are like Pattie says a product of their environment. She isn't bending she is pushing.

[gold-n-rod]

All joking aside, I re-read your original post and have come to one conclusion.

This woman is an ungrateful b i t c h and will only cause you pain and misery. :(:(:( :yes:

Bud, you can do better.......


here is the issue with my girlfriend. She thinks im lazy and I could be doing much more then I am. She says I spend money on my cars and bikes and I'm immature and I act like I'm a little kid with all my hobbies? She says I stay home and do nothing all day. which is not totally true. sure I wake up late(10ish) but I'm up till around 3am. when I have no jobs to do, at this point I have been playing it safe and don't do too much so I don't waste money. My company is still in its infancy and I need to be able to pay my mortgage and all my bills. which I do all on my own. My girlfriend always has help with money if she needs it. I don't think she understands that I am completely independent and her telling me im lazy and immature while she is dependent on her family is just plain disrespectful in my eyes.

[DonziJon]

I have always refrained from commenting on domestic situations because
I have been married for over 42 years and don't consider myself "Competant' to comment on ongoing .....situations with the younger set.

That being said: I think all this conversation is just going to make "Moody Blu" more intent on....."MAKING IT WORK". Sad..but true I think. John

[yeller]

I'm really surprised a lot of you(almsot everyone) has said to dump her I just feel thats the easy way out.

I said to move on because it doesn't sound like your ready for marriage. If you're questioning whether to marry or not.....you're not ready.
Blue leaving her is harder then staying. I hope you can see that. I agree with Big Grizzly on this.



2 days before my surgery she broke up with me out of the blue. I celled her occasionally just to keep in otuch because I really loved her and was devastated by her dropping me like that. She didn't tell me why she broke up with me until we got back together. She met a guy who was russian jewish and thought he was the one. Turns out he was married and she knew. that relationship was dead from the start... So she had realized I was always nice to her and one day she called me up and we met up. then we started going out again. we were still doing the dinner hotel thing. we actually went down the shore once too. The above is why I wouldn't marry her. She tried to find something better so she left. Even if you feel she's right for you, in her mind, you're not right for her. She feels she's compromising and she'll leave again if she thinks someone better comes along.

[mike o]

I said to move on because it doesn't sound like your ready for marriage. If you're questioning whether to marry or not.....you're not ready.I agree with Big Grizzly on this.


The above is why I wouldn't marry her. She tried to find something better so she left. Even if you feel she's right for you, in her mind, you're not right for her. She feels she's compromising and she'll leave again if she thinks someone better comes along..........Really, :confused: that was strike one. Strike two was not being truthfull about the second child. You need to go to the mountain on this one... our better yet, put your boat in the wa-wa and enjoy yourself....:wink:

[BigGrizzly]

Blue, my first marriage, split because of parents and my being a motorcycle and auto tech. She wanted me to quit racing and get a jacket and tie job. Hoever this didn't raise it head until after we were married. And for 2 years swhe keept pushing and needling. It finally came to a head and she told me to quit or get a divorce, I left for Laguna Seca and said OK fine. When I came back it got worse finally the divorce, by the way we had a son at the time.. After the court battle She told my Mom she was trying to straighten me out of the childish motorcycle thing and get a real job. Mon told her I had bikes before her and would have them after her. Later she found I had a job with HONDA!:) One side issue she has MONEY and ownes a 4,000,000 house by Snake Island in Florida. If I had stayed I would maybe had a big Donzi and live in Florida and would be miserable. I am much better off. Don't be a BRAT and hang on because we told you to move on. BTW My current wife asked me to race again because she missed that part of my life. So one more championship in the Formula Vintage came my way. Change can be good.

[Donziweasel]

Poodle hit the nail on the head, when you meet the right one, you will know it. If she was the right one, you wouldn't be questioning the relationship, especailly with all of us social degenerates. I waited until I was 33, and when I met Boo Boo, I knew, no questions.

[mike o]

Strike three is the browbeating she is dishing out, the lack of respect for your ambitions and hard work, and the lack of cooperation with you in trying to raise HER kids properly. OOPS, wait, we are up to strike 5 now..

After 22 years of marriage, I can tell you I was VERY lucky to have waited until I met the right girl. When you do, you'll know it, there won't be any doubt. I had known Heidi for about 15 years before we ever dated. On our first date I knew I would marry her.. .....I thought Id let somebody else complete strike three... Its the first paragraph above :wink:.

[Moody Blu']

I'm going to describe in a bit more detail a month in my life, work wise.
When I have a client who wants a system I am busy doing the walk throughs, proposals, design and ordering.

When I am done with a job and I do not have another job I go through dead spells. If I am close to no money in the bank I start to freak out. I call my girl and let her know that I'm freaking out. I hold it together and usually a new job arises. I'm fine for 2 months or so. If i don't get a new job im in the same place. Its not a good feeling. So i suppose I am barely getting by. I have however purchased a rc51 motorcycle and have still paid the bills on top of it. More then likely the purchase of the bike has saved me loot on GAS. Which was one of the major reasons for purchasing it. When I have dead spells I pretty much sit around the house during the week and post replies in a couple home theater forums in hopes that my knowledge will spark the interest of someone in the area to hire me. I dont just do it for biz I do it cuz i like to help and its a way to allow people to judges what I do for themselves. I post jobs I've done etc...

other then that I pretty much sit around waiting for new work. The ad campaign will keep me busy since I will be going by the mansions and putting my ad in there door knob. I really hope it helps!!!!!


I had a talk with my girlfriend and her main concern is that I sit around all the time when I dont have jobs. I could be doing other things to keep busy.
She keeps saying how smart I am but i just sit around. Shes pretty much concerned that I'm so smart and I'm wasting my days when I have nothing to do. I should be doing something. My step mom use to say the same thing but with her I would do the opposite just to piss her off. at this point in my life it is go time.

I think shes right and I do understand her point.

We had a talk this weekend and we have come to an understanding. She accepts me except for the fact that I need to be doing more. and frankly I do feel the same way. I wouldnt mind being able to go buy a fresh hull, build some motors and some asd6 drives. This push shes giving me is making me realize that it is GO time. If not I will lose her.

Can you guys actually sit there and think she shouldnt be concerned about me sitting around when I dont have work?


All the things in the past like her breaking up with me and my back surgery a day or 2 away was frankly coincidence. yea it was cruel I have forgiven her and she knew it was wrong. BTW when we broke up I used to call her occasionally. I always kept in touch with her because I always loved her.

the lying about her 2nd kid... well... thats just the way she decided to deal with it. I understand why and i have said why she did it.

Now the important stuff going forward. 1 Supposedly religion is a big thing for her and I would have to convert to judhism. To me its not really an issue because I dont believe in religion. I do however celebrate christmas thanksgiving and easter. THAT would have to be honored regardless of what religion I am. Because my family celebrates it. (kind fo works out well because deciding whos house to go to for the holidays is not an issue)

2 she has to understand I will not give up ANY of my hobbies unless I decide to do so. What she will realize is that sort of stuff is good for the kids to get involved in.


I believe if something is to easy its BS

I know it may seem im trying to hard, I'm not this issue with me being lazy. well, I was blindsided by my own pride. who is she to tell me how to live.. its not about that its about her concern for her and her kids.

why should she not be concerned? She does not want to marry a dead beat like her first husband.


I hope this puts things in a bit more perspective. if you want to yell at me for not saying some of this stuff in the beginning please do so You know I appreciate any and all comments. I really appreciate all the help you guys have given me so far and really am looking forward to read more.

this has really helped me with the situation.

[gold-n-rod]

Now the important stuff going forward. 1 Supposedly religion is a big thing for her and I would have to convert to judhism. To me its not really an issue because I dont believe in religion. I do however celebrate christmas thanksgiving and easter. THAT would have to be honored regardless of what religion I am. Because my family celebrates it. (kind fo works out well because deciding whos house to go to for the holidays is not an issue)

Strike 4

Strike 5

Strike 6 :smash::smash::smash:

[Dr. Dan]

Broque....I am not going to Lecture you on your Relationship...thats been pretty well beat to death...you're gonna do what you want...

That aside...I think you are probably missing some business becuase your Marketing Strategy is severely flawed...like maybe it does not exist.

Are you dressing up in a Suit or Nice Shirt & Tie and visiting Builder Sites, or working with Property Mgt Co.s, Condo Complexes,Realtors, how about Resort Areas down by the Shore(s).

I can tell you that statistically - homeowners are pouring more $JING$ into their existing homes...like Sound and Audio Systems and Flat Screens, etc. becuse they can't get what they want out of their house...so they fix up what they have. Guys are making their Garages like Living Rooms...TV's Stereos.... Computers...you name it. Team up with a Supplier or a Stereo Shoppe and Market Together....

Hold "Wine and Cheese Parties" and showcase your Talents at a satisfied clients place? Or at a cooperating Retail Store, do mailers or flyers....but word of mouth is the most solid tool...get in front of the right peeps and Network, Network, Network!

Do you have a written Resume or Brochure for your Skills and Service? Do you have written goals for what you want this to become and are they "Measurable" and "Quantifiable" and do you have a "Timeline" to achieve them?:wavey:

Just because you did wiring of some Frames or Exotic Audio Systems for another Company does not make you a Rock Star automatically by association. You gotta sell yourself! I have been in Sales now for 16 years, before that Construction...and both positions I was always SELLING!

Going on Websites - is not Marketing...get a plan, formulate a plan...if you don't know how to do it...than go to someone who does. It will gaurantee your success and you will then be the STUD .... at that point... this Jewish Russian Hybrid - will be one of many in the Stable...good luck Grasshopper.

Doc of Temporary Soap Box Insanity & Random Motivational Displacement :spongebob:

[zelatore]

BTW My current wife asked me to race again because she missed that part of my life.

Now that's a woman worth hanging on to.

Just yesterday I got an email from my gf while she was at work asking if I had signed us up for the next BMW club track day at Sears. Nearly brought a tear to my eye....:propeller:

[Donziweasel]

Boo Boo asked me when I was going to big bore and NOS my snowmobile because she couldn't wait to see it run this winter. I think I did cry!:smash:

[gold-n-rod]

All winning ideas from the good Doctor..... except this one:


Hold "Wine and Cheese Parties" and showcase your Talents at a satisfied clients place?

It's hard for me to imagine that the owner of an upscale house, who just dropped a chunk on bling, is interested in having a bunch of strangers tramping through his/her place just to help his installer get more customers. Too much exposure. Plus, if they paid you, they owe you nothing more but a good telephone reference. Not that he/she isn't going to want to show it off, but to friends and family, not strangers (or even neighbors).

Pay attention to the rest!

[Dr. Dan]

All winning ideas from the good Doctor..... except this one:
It's hard for me to imagine that the owner of an upscale house, who just dropped a chunk on bling, is interested in having a bunch of strangers tramping through his/her place just to help his installer get more customers. Too much exposure. Plus, if they paid you, they owe you nothing more but a good telephone reference. Not that he/she isn't going to want to show it off, but to friends and family, not strangers (or even neighbors).
Pay attention to the rest!

Randy.. I was only suggesting a Home as a possible venue for him to market himself...I also mentioned other environments as well...he could also check into local or Regional Trade or Home Shows, Remodlers etc.... it goes on and on... fact is many Vendors work cooperatively to help each other get contracts all of the time...especially if they are reputable...he could cold call Builders, various Subs and Vendors to generate leads as well... Architects & Designers, Space Planners, Office Company, Furniture Stores, ....etc etc etc...

BTW- Folks who spend that type of money love to showcase their Status and their home... he wouldn't have to invite Street Urchans...but a Private INVITE is always cool... we do "Private Sales" all of the time. There is nothing private about them...its all sales Baby!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know...I'll shut up now...back to the Drama...:popcorn:

Doc of Subliminal Advertising and Torrid Merchandising Concepts :angel:

[boxy]

All winning ideas from the good Doctor..... except this one:
It's hard for me to imagine that the owner of an upscale house, who just dropped a chunk on bling, is interested in having a bunch of strangers tramping through his/her place just to help his installer get more customers. Too much exposure. Plus, if they paid you, they owe you nothing more but a good telephone reference. Not that he/she isn't going to want to show it off, but to friends and family, not strangers (or even neighbors).
Pay attention to the rest!

A homeowner might not want the traffic, but a home builder will.
A client of mine just finished a renovation in an upscale neighbourhood, took a $300k knock down, added a second storey, and we put it back on the market over $800k.
A big part of this house was the complete projection home theatre in the basement. The company that did it had a supply of cards at the house, and they were constantly being picked up.
Because this neighbourhood was desireable, every open house usually generated 75-100 people throuh the door, it was crazy.
Find a good Builder in a neighbourhood that you want to target, shave some points to get in the door, with the understanding that you would like to hold a couple of "client nights" once it's done.

www.90billings.com is the house.

[mike o]

One of my best friends growing up is the chairman of the physcology department of a major southern university. His specialty is family and marriage, well published... and is divorced... so go figure. So love is blind. It looks like your gonna hang in there... So disipline the kids as if they were yours at this point. Maybe think about sub-in yourself out when your slow to make her happy. It will be good to get out and stay busy. The fine DOC is right, ya really got -ta work it... to make **** happen and it aint gonna happen staying home. but puttin-all -this on the table like this (AINT GOOD):shocking:(really), alot of red flags. Alot of folks have been through this LOVE stuff, divorce, college heart break, whatever. Its not gonna get any easier. Its not suppose to be this HARD before ya get hitched. I had a jewish girl friend along time ago. OI-VAI:hangum:If ya like sleepin till 10 and riding the chopper ect. and working... f-it, ya can do it the rest of ya life, and there are plenty of ladys who will love ya death for it.:angel:

[Moody Blu']

Broque....I am not going to Lecture you on your Relationship...thats been pretty well beat to death...you're gonna do what you want...
That aside...I think you are probably missing some business becuase your Marketing Strategy is severely flawed...like maybe it does not exist.
Are you dressing up in a Suit or Nice Shirt & Tie and visiting Builder Sites, or working with Property Mgt Co.s, Condo Complexes,Realtors, how about Resort Areas down by the Shore(s).
I can tell you that statistically - homeowners are pouring more $JING$ into their existing homes...like Sound and Audio Systems and Flat Screens, etc. becuse they can't get what they want out of their house...so they fix up what they have. Guys are making their Garages like Living Rooms...TV's Stereos.... Computers...you name it. Team up with a Supplier or a Stereo Shoppe and Market Together....
Hold "Wine and Cheese Parties" and showcase your Talents at a satisfied clients place? Or at a cooperating Retail Store, do mailers or flyers....but word of mouth is the most solid tool...get in front of the right peeps and Network, Network, Network!
Do you have a written Resume or Brochure for your Skills and Service? Do you have written goals for what you want this to become and are they "Measurable" and "Quantifiable" and do you have a "Timeline" to achieve them?:wavey:
Just because you did wiring of some Frames or Exotic Audio Systems for another Company does not make you a Rock Star automatically by association. You gotta sell yourself! I have been in Sales now for 16 years, before that Construction...and both positions I was always SELLING!
Going on Websites - is not Marketing...get a plan, formulate a plan...if you don't know how to do it...than go to someone who does. It will gaurantee your success and you will then be the STUD .... at that point... this Jewish Russian Hybrid - will be one of many in the Stable...good luck Grasshopper.
Doc of Temporary Soap Box Insanity & Random Motivational Displacement :spongebob:


Doc, my work is form word of mouth at this point ive done exotic audio/video systems for MY COMPANY as well as others.

here is my website and some of the jobs ive done

http://www.lenardodesign.com/

I network all the time, I actually sold a 5.1 system with a 42"plasma on the beach in LBI this sunday!! haha couldnt believe it.

Ive done commercial work, new construction and retro fitted houses. Most of the people I have done systems have had systems installed in the past. Everytime they tell me how I pulled out all the stops and let nothing on the back burner. My systems are the easiest to use because of the way I program them. etc. When I go to customers houses I am always dressed up. I dont use a suit and tie I come dressed up with more of a euro trash look LOL. I'm a designer first and foremost coming in a suit would be overly dressed. When I talk to clients I boggle there minds with ideas and different setups. After that they just say do whatever you want.


My main goal is to build houses and have music and surround sound systems as options as well as hardwood or rug floors. so the home theater company is just the beginning. It all starts with zoning my property where I live for 3 houses and selling them in 3-4 years. after that I will have enough capital to build smart houses and sell them and repeat...

[wrussellw]

Since you have time on your hands, put some effort into your web page. You really need to add content, clean up your grammar, add navigation, etc. Get some help from somebody in the business. Without a store front its your only window on the world. I would skip the "vanity paragraph" at the end, it doesn't read well. FYI in my world "site under construction" means "I am to lazy to finish'". Really just trying to help.

[Moody Blu']

Since you have time on your hands, put some effort into your web page. You really need to add content, clean up your grammar, add navigation, etc. Get some help from somebody in the business. Without a store front its your only window on the world. I would skip the "vanity paragraph" at the end, it doesn't read well. FYI in my world "site under construction" means "I am to lazy to finish'". Really just trying to help.

well, I been waiting for my friend to help me design a flash site and hes taking FOREVER.

So no one has any thoughts on what i have added or do you all feel the same?

[yeller]

Yes she does have a reason to be concerned. You don't really work enough to support a family, but in your 1st post you were bashing her because she wouldn't support you, now you've flipped the other way and are supporting her views. In your 1st post, you gave us all the negative information then are surprised that everyone says leave. Now what you're saying goes against what you 1st said. Looks as if you're trying to get everyone to tell you to stay.

And read what Doc has to say very carefully. Going door to door dropping flyers may get you some business, but working with contractors will get you repeat business.

[ky-donzi]

"And read what Doc has to say very carefully. Going door to door dropping flyers may get you some business, but working with contractors will get you repeat business."

This is very true.... I have so much bussiness by just doing a good job, and charging a fair price to a few contractors..... That I could almost quit my normal job, and totally work for myself...... In my experiences If you get a few sub contract jobs, and treat the contractors that you work for well, you will have more bussiness than you know what to do with.


As for the other....... You have had many suggestions, it is up to you, it is your decision........

[Moody Blu']

Yes she does have a reason to be concerned. You don't really work enough to support a family, but in your 1st post you were bashing her because she wouldn't support you, now you've flipped the other way and are supporting her views. In your 1st post, you gave us all the negative information then are surprised that everyone says leave. Now what you're saying goes against what you 1st said. Looks as if you're trying to get everyone to tell you to stay.
And read what Doc has to say very carefully. Going door to door dropping flyers may get you some business, but working with contractors will get you repeat business.


All I did was clarify what I said in the first post.

I said I sat around doing nothing so I would not spend any loot.

this reply i put in here really just clarifies what I said before. I really dont htink Im flipping the script.

maybe you guys thought I was ready to break up and wanted people to tell me that? All I did was try to give a unbiased description of what was going on.

yes after the tons of dump her posts I thought i needed to clarify it.


but in the thread starter I DID say I sat around pretty much not doing anything. maybe yall didnt pick that up?

I do think i let my pride hindsight me to what she was so pissed about me sitting around. I purposely put that in the thread starter but no one seem to say anything about it?

I should have added the post where u think im flipping it to the first thread starter. didnt realize how big the thread would get.

I really do not think I flipped it i felt i just added recent events to it and expanded on why she was pissed????

[yeller]

I don't think she understands that I am completely independent and her telling me im lazy and immature ......

why should she not be concerned? She does not want to marry a dead beat like her first husband.
Flip

[Ed Donnelly]

Hope you are circumcized.................Ed

[Moody Blu']

Flip
yea I did say both of those, but i also said i was blind sided by my pride.


it doesnt matter anyway, events from last night prove shes a total scum bag and its over.

[Ed Donnelly]

Now you have to tell all of us "Dump Hers" what she did to prove us right ...Ed

[Dr. Dan]

Now you have to tell all of us "Dump Hers" what she did to prove us right ...Ed


No Actually Ya Don't.... some things are better left unsaid....

Good Luck Broque... move on... hey...why not come up to Lake George for the Fall Picnic? Come alone or bring a new Non Russian immigrant type Hot Chic for us all to gander at! :eek!:

Its all gonna be great movin forward....keep the faith...

Doc of Non Invasive Suggestions :smash:

[RedDog]

No Actually Ya Don't.... some things are better left unsaid....


:bonk: really (http://www.donzi.net/forums/showpost.php?p=462185&postcount=1)

[yeller]

It may not feel like it now, but I'm sure you'll meet the right one and you'll look back and be glad you broke it off.

Listen to Doc, again. He's got the right idea. The best way to ease a broken heart is to go boating with some good friends. :yes:

[BigGrizzly]

I am glad you figured it out. The partner is always the last to know! Outsiders see it relatively easy. Like a motorcycle racing coach who is watching his rider, they see it from the outside, not from the seat. As you know I have done a lot of both. Heck I have seen King Kenny make some big mistakes on the track and off. Now get it together and go to lake George and enjoy your self with some real people instead of the plastic stuff you have been sleeping with.

[Moody Blu']

the whole story will make you all drop your jaws and fall off your seats. I'm just not in the mood right now.

Im not sad I'm glad but I'm still appauled. I tried so hard with this girl and she pretty much **** in my face. I caught her red handed so to speak I showed up at her house without letting her know. I caught her off her scheming ways and got her cell phone and found the text messages.....


ill explain sometime soon

I still ****in love this bitch though. but its def over

[mike o]

DUDE.......... YA JUST NEED SOME WIDE OPEN THROTTLE ON THE BAY:yippie:

[Tony]

the whole story will make you all drop your jaws and fall off your seats.
ill explain sometime soon


Dude, for all of us who have read this saga, we need the conclusion.
I hope "sometime soon" is very soon...and please include all the details!
Whatever the case may be, it probably pales in comparison to Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's unbelievable story.

:beer:

[Moody Blu']

You know what guys. I am a ****ng discpicable human being for what I did to her. I now see the error in my ways and realize I lost the girl i loved mroe then myself. I was too overbearing selfish and controlling.

I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. you call the two kids baggage I call it two barrels of fun that looked up to me. she was very easy going and i completely took advantage of it.

I went by what everyone said and not what my heart felt and I am sooooo miserable right now. that woman and her kids made my life complete. and I ruined it.

I was shaking driving home, hyper ventalating, balling my eyes out, screaming at the top of my lungs OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE and going slower then the speed limit.

I have only slept 3 hours.

tomorrow is her birthday and i completely ruined it for her.


I feel disgusted with myself.

[Ed Donnelly]

Based on the information you supplied, several members(including me) offered
what we felt were logical opinions.No one twisted your arms..

You painted a picture for us, and now try to hold us responsible for the outcome...Not nice ...............Ed

[Donziweasel]

Come on now, first you caught her "red handed" in her evil ways. Now you are upset about it? Her kids were undisciplined terrors and now they are barrels of fun? She looked down on you for your work and now she is understanding? You were accomodating to her and her kids and now you were overbearing and selfish? Your heart is getting in the way of your head and common sense!

[maddad]

Broque, I hope everything works out just the way you want it to. Let me just add that complete trust between two people is more than just a little important. If it isn't there, or worse, was and went away, you may be looking at this through rose colored glasses.

[Moody Blu']

Based on the information you supplied, several members(including me) offered
what we felt were logical opinions.No one twisted your arms..
You painted a picture for us, and now try to hold us responsible for the outcome...Not nice ...............Ed
I'm not trying to hod anyone responsible I just frrl I should have followed my heart and it told me not to do what i did

i was a wreck last night when i posted that

[BigGrizzly]

Blue you did not wreck anything for here she did it herself. Like Trust is more then anything. I am 62 years old and have two wives and countless girl friends and trust was missing in most of them. I trust my wife with my life and have actually done it. During my Cancer she never faltered once not for a second. I am standing on my statements. Remember I know you ans your not selfish nor domineering. I have seen relationships like this fall apart very soon after the makeup and remorse.

[DonziJon]

Not to be nosy..BUT...I think it's time for the "Rest Of The Story".....Don't you agree?? :wink: John

[zelatore]

I am 62 years old and have two wives and countless girl friends

On a lighter note...

I'm wondering if Griz has stock in Pfizer (makers of Viagra) :eek!:





BigGrizzly is my hero...

[Donziweasel]

Griz for president! First on the agena, Corsicans and Critters for everyone who pays thier taxes on time!

[Donziweasel]

Not to be nosy..BUT...I think it's time for the "Rest Of The Story".....Don't you agree?? :wink: John

I agree. We gave you advice based on what you originally posted. Now, everything has changed. I think everyone is curious. You are obviously very well liked here to get the response you did. I am sure no one meant to give you bad advice, and I still think the advice was solid. BUT, since things have changed, I would like to know. Hell, maybe a few of us can learn something from your experience.

[hardcrab]

Emotions are an extremely powerful force.
You have to focus on the black and white of it.
I'll say it again

[McGary911]

Broque. Gotta be a tough time right now. Somewhere down the road...not too far...you'll see this with a clearer head and really know if you made the right decision. I was engaged a few years back, and realized it wasn't right as I was on the verge of moving to Michigan. Sure wasn't easy, but after a month of being a touch in the dumps, I realized it was one of the smarter things I had done.

Hey, I even got the ring back :tongue:. At least you don't have to worry about that, right?

BTW, we need you to get your head right.....I just bought a ton of home theater \ housewide audio\video stuff, and probably will have a question or 8 if you're in the mood to share your knowledge.. :)

[Moody Blu']

I wasn't going to type it out but here goes.

So, I thought we made up 2 days ago. we lied on the bed and had a talk. I had told her how I accpeted her and she needed to accept me. I agreed I would do some new things. we agreed to me selling jewlery from her dads shop on ebay. Opening up a joint account and putting the profits in it. She agreed to try to communicate more and be a lil more affectionate.

We had the make up session that night. the next day we woke up and I showed her the remote I was going to program for her cousin, she said do it now then. I needed that one for a job i as doing that and let her know I could get one tomorrow or the next day and come back she was fine with that. I drove her to work. we held hands while driving etc. then I went home.

The next day she called me and I had asked if she got in contact with her cousin because I was at the distributor picking up the remote for her house. She had told me she would get back to me. She didn't call me back until 4 hours later and I asked again. She said she was unavailible I asked what about the next day? she said she was unavailable again. and started to whine im askiing her so many questions. I said well the day i drove her to work I could have went right over but all of a sudden she isnt available. whats the deal? she was like call yourself then. then she was like I really need a break she told me how she wanted to be with me but just needed to get her house, kids and herself in order. I told her the only reason she wants that is because we've been arguing and we need to get through it and move on. Secondly I thought we had got through that part and were moving forward. It didnt seem like it. So i called her cousin and i talked to her but she never got back to me.


at this point i went out by her house to break up with her and let her know if she wanted to get back together we needed to communicate more. I got by her house and she called me and told me she was getting gas for her car. I had mentioned how I had saw a couple in a resturaunt get into an argument and they worked it out. I told her we didn't have that. she said WHAT and hung up. I tried calling back a million times and no answer.

so then i figured she went home after getting gas. I went by her house around 10:30 and went through her garage door when the door opened there was no car. So i ended up sitting around in her house till she came home. I went up to her bedroom and saw that she had some dresses on the bed and her makeup brushes were out in the bathroom. I figured she went out with some of her friends or possibly some guy. I waited in her house and she finally came home at 3am. I was so mad. I decided to let her go to sleep and then I would go up stairs and check her phone out. sure enough there were text messages from that night.

like this

miss you baby

cant wait to ride on your bike and hold you tight

your such a bad boy for such a good girl

etc

So now i had ammo I then woke her up and said how she cheated on me. she was denying it and I read the text messages. we ended up talking and she kept saying how she tried to break up with me. I told her that we just made up and she said she only wanted to be with me.
I was like i don't understand? whats the deal. she said how she was trying to break up with me but really she was just saying we needed a break.

then after we talked for a while she actually asked if i wanted to stay over and took her pants off and had her undies on. i was like NO.

I went to my car and got all the things she bought me and put them in her garage. then i left.

I felt righteous for what i did.


but now I feel empty.

I realize why she was trying to break up with me after looking at all our old text messages and how they were so happy and they changed because I changed and she told me that when we were talking.


So I got home later and started calling up my friends to tell them what I did and i was still in righteous mode. i went to meet up with some friends at a street carnival and while walking through the crowd i saw couples with there kids and almsot LOST IT. I had to go back to my car and leave.

so now I'm at the point that I've realized all the things I did and how i was selfish and I was taking advantage of her. I lost the best thing in my life because i was blind to see my faults. I know she didnt communicate which was a big part of why those faults occured. so we were both at fault.

I just thought we were moving forward and then get a slap in the face like that.

I understand why she cheated on me and i dont even care. now that im not crazy like the night i went over her house. I realize that in her mind she was trying to break up with me for a couple weeks but I wouldnt let it happen. so she did what she did. it was because we were constantly arguing over communication.

I thought we were moving forward.


so now I know my faults but because I went to her house and did what i did I doubt she even cares. I actually got on my hands and knees before and prayed to god that she would fogive me and let me back in her life.

[yeller]

Ok, let's see if I get this right. She's been cheating on you, but that's ok. She did it because you have faults.

Man, if my wife cheated on me everytime she saw a fault in me, she'd never be home.

Moody, everyone has faults. She's dishonest and unfaithful. Breakups always hurt, but I fail to see why you would ever want her back.

[Dr. Dan]

:doh: Broque..... this is all reminding me of High School or sometime earlier..the only thing missing is passing the little Triangle Football Type Notes in class.

Listen... no one here, including me is going to be your savior... if you want to remain in a disfunctional co-dependent relationship, than its your business.

You need to back away...give yourself time and ya have to accept that she does not want to be with you any more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

There is no justification for infidelity in any type of committed relationship....its a matter of breaking the trust and bond of the relationship...that is whats hurting you. Believe it or not its not even the physicality of the behavior. It is not going to change....I know people who play lots of rationalization games in their own minds as to what passes as acceptable behavior...whats cheating , whats not cheating...

I mean truly if ya have to ask does it even matter? I mean really.... if you go back and read through this post... its like a small short story novel... or one of those Movies I somehow ended up with from Block Buster and I can't even watch the full movie...becuase its soooo predictable of an outcome.

We all want you to be happy because we've known you through the Registry...we have watched as you have spurred furious responses from the purist on the board years ago...hell, I even sold you my Trailer...:smash: Hoping to see you at an Event one day.

But I have to tell you... this Looks Like A Duck...so it probably is! Forgive yourself.... stay away from her...as tough as its gonna be...surround yourself with a good supportive group of friends and move on. You are being obsessive compulsive about every facet of this... its a bit insane. Its even more insane to read how you keep going in circles...

I realize it might seem somewhat theraputic to vent your frustrations here...however I would suggest...that its better left done off line with close friends or family....not here....if you do air it out here...expect all of us opinionated assholes to chime in...because everyone loves a train wreck.

Its pathetic - but its also human nature unfortunately. Have some pride, and don't continue to subject yourself to all of this sophomoric behavior. I am pretty sure your capable of being strong as tough as this is...stay focused on yourself, and the future will someday be brighter.

:angel: I honestly hope you channel your passions into your work or something more positive...because this is not constructive...

:spongebob: There is a great line in the 1987 movie "Wall Street" with Charlie Sheen and Michael Douglas. Just before Sheen is busted for securities fraud...an elderly veteran co-worker shares this ....

" Man Looks In The Abyss - There is nothing staring back at him - at that moment - Man finds his character - and that is what keeps him out of the Abyss! "

Think About it...

Be Well Broque

Doc :thumbsup:

[Donziweasel]

What Dr. Dan said........and, time to move on.

[Moody Blu']

:
You need to back away...give yourself time and ya have to accept that she does not want to be with you any more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!
There is no justification for infidelity in any type of committed relationship....:

You know, you say that, yet its not really 100% true. there are millions of things around these days that SADLY say the opposite. I was listening to the radio the other day and there was a talk show on about some cheating.com website where you go to look for people to cheat with that are married.

the talk show had callers calling in pretty much saying if they cant get what they want from there man they will go elsewhere and stay with there man. there were 3-4 calls i heard saying that. JUST ONE woman said its disgusting.


im not saying its right but with **** like that on the radio it could justify someone for thinking about it. the days we live in right now are disgusting. cursing on regular tv, really bad shows tons of violence. ITs disgusting.


I can see why she cheated on me. we had a really bad vacation with her kids and her two friends(and there cousin form turkey). Honestly it was too soon for us to go on vacation with friends of hers. I seriously should have passed on the vacation. I actually decided to go with them last minute. dealing with her kids and to top it off 3 people who I did not know to well. It did not help. I did not know the people well enough to be going on vacation. If I knew them better I would have definately not gone on vacation with them after how they acted. Honestly it took away form my bonding time with her kids and looking back it was stupid of me to go with them.


I was aggravated during the trip and was not very nice. This was the Beginning of janets disinterest in me.

then about 2-3 weeks later I decided I did not want to talk to her for a lil bit to see what she would do. This was right after she first brought up me being lazy with work etc and it really made me feel diesrespected. to she if she actually cared. well she showed she cared she called me a lot got in touch with a friend of mine. so after 3 days I finally picked up and she was like where you been I was worried. I now it was not the best thing but I had my reserves on how much she cared because of the miami vacation. So i told her I needed time to think about us because of how she had disrespected me about me being lazy.


I actually think her friends told her I cheated on her and she ran with that. after that it was not the same. I am not completely innocent.

I know because of what i did when i went to her hosue and waited I was WRONG.

I did what I did out of anger because of what i read in the text messages.


I think she started to see another guy because what we used to have was not around at this particular time. I saw what we used to have in the texts with the other guy. after looking way back at our old texts they were just like that but better. I was trying to get back to that point but she has had difficulty communicating why she wasnt happy with the way everything was.

obviously cheating is not the answer but in this day in age its very common. I am a old school guy with a futuristic twist. If i never get back with her fine. but im going to try. I did kiss a girl while we were going out but I told her right away.

Im just scared because I know i went over the line the other night because of my anger. If she never wants to talk to me again then so be it but i have to try.


I dont htink i mentioend this. but the day i left her hosue I tried to meet up with some friends at a street fair. I go there early. So i started to walk through the huge crowd and when I started to see couples with there kids I started to fill up with tears all of a sudden. I held it in got some food and after finishing I started to fill up with tears again. so i made way for my car and texted my friends telling them I could not meet up. the entire way back tomy car I was fighting with every ounce of energy to hold me form bursting out crying.

I got to my car and cried like a baby.

after being alone and coming to terms with a lot of stuff I realized this girl is my life and I cherish her and her kids. This whole situation has made me realize how much i really do care and love her. I have taken her for granted at times and I wont do it again. I need to be mroe understanding an not always be right.

if any of you have any advice on this id love to hear it. if you think im nuts go ahead tell me so.

I read some articles and a lot of them said cheating is common and can be mended. I know this was the only time and i hope she can forgive me for doing what I did.


also I have the number from the guy that had been texting her and met up with her. from what janet said she told him about me but im not sure about that. I'm thinkng about calling him up and finding out if he knew or not. what do yall think?

[BUIZILLA]

cut the umbilical cord....

[wrussellw]

Seems like you have some real friends here giving you good advice.
Give it up before somebody winds up on jail or worse.
Involving her new love interest in a three way discussion/agruement? Sounds like this is headed for for the 6pm news! You have already admitted enough to probaly get charged with assault.
Concentrate on your career.

[Donziweasel]

When a relationship gets to the physical point (the bed scenario), it is time to get help. Also, you can NEVER EVER justify cheating. Not only that, when confronted, she lied about it. If she was with another man instead of working out your problems, then she is in the wrong. Either way, you might need to find someone instead of these boards to talk to.

Also, you need time to heal. We have all had our hearsts broken, but time will take care of it. I know you don't believe that now, but it will. Been there done that. I thought I lost the woman I was destined for. Went into a deep depression. The met Boo Boo and realized that everything happens for a reason.

[Conquistador_del_mar]

Moody/Broque,
I never get involved in this type thing, but your story parallels a relationship I had once. Get a grip on yourself. If you are a drinking man - quit. When I faced the same scenario, I crumbled. From my experience, the best suggestion I have is to get with your best friends or family for support, look deep within yourself to try to find the strength to move on with your life, but most of all you have to let it go or it will consume you. No relationship is worth losing your sanity - think of some positive things you enjoy doing and go do them today. The sooner you move in a positive direction without her, the faster you will heal - I promise you this. Bill

[Rootsy]

Dear God Broque just let it go already. Once a cheater, always a cheater. To attempt to justify "cheating" is lunacy. Just remember, for every hot chick you want to nail there's another guy out there that is absolutely sick of her BS...

[BigGrizzly]

There is no excuse for what she did, regardless of what you think you did. You made up and she cheated the next day. What would happen if you cheated on her? She would use it against you at every turn. There are three kinds of people, The Keepers(ones you spend the rest of your life with), the Runners (who run around every chance they get but are afraid of commitment) and the Lookers ( the ones who want a true relationship, look but don't go out and get one because there afraid of getting burnt). All have a consequence. The Keepers, look, find and stay with their mate with trust and commitment. The Runners never have a true relationship in their lifetime. The Lookers either go through their life alone or get married because it is fear of being alone.
You need to see which category you fit in. Just remember Keepers and Runners NEVER work. I have a runner friend he is a couple of years younger and is on his third wife. Guess why he broke up with his second wife. He would probably never found out if they both hadn't checked into the same motel in Downingtown. You say it isn't sex but every time you have a discussion with her it is in bed. Blue your Brains are in your zipper. Maybe for her it IS sex. When going into a corner and you start to loose it the only way out is look where you want to go and gas it, old racing proverb.

[zelatore]

When going into a corner and you start to loose it the only way out is look where you want to go and gas it, old racing proverb.

I fear this is already too far gone to save...

Both feet in!

When things stop moving, look around and assess the damage, then get back in the race.

(Those who don't race won't get that, but Griz opened the door. OK, trying to use racing analogies to help a relationship may not be the most productive thing after all.)

[Patti]

Good lord..i'm a woman..from a female perspective..
I say run..run far and run fast.
It is what it is..maybe it's just me but there is NO redemption for cheating..and it isn't acceptable under ANY circumstances.
I wish you a lot of luck..but only you can want the best for you..from what I read..this isn't the best.

[zelatore]

Good lord..i'm a woman..from a female perspective..
I say run..run far and run fast.

FWIW I ran this thread by my girlfriend last night. Her take was pretty much the same. This needs to stop!

[Patti]

Your girlfriend is smart! but then..she IS a girl! :wink: :tongue:

Tell her to come over and give her perspective. :)

Jamie and I talked about it last night and we both said the same thing..NO excuse or justification for cheating..ever..it's all about what we want for ourselves..and well only WE can can decide what is best for us...no doubt it tough..but I really do wish Broque (Moody) nothing but the best.