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Walt. H.
06-14-2005, 01:12 AM
Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

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Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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Understanding Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many
of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
said, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

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Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of
the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" they asked.

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done."

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Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING
you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Woodsy
06-14-2005, 07:26 AM
That was freakin HILARIOUS!! and oh so true......


Woodsy Von Outboard

TuxedoPk
06-14-2005, 07:57 AM
Walt- A great morning read, thanks! Just sent it off to a few friends who I attended RPI with.

glashole
06-14-2005, 08:28 AM
3 friends (one of them an engineer) find themselves in some hot water with a king and get sent to the giloteen

Staying with the customs of that particular king the men are laid face up so as to see the blade falling

the first man is laid down and the blade come to a screeching halt not 6" from his throat.

seeing this as an act of God and he was not meant to die that day he was set free.

the exact same thing happens to the second man and he is also set free

the engineer is then paced into the giloteen to which he promptly remarks
"hey I know whats wrong with this thing"

harbormaster
06-14-2005, 08:31 AM
That was a veerrrry Funny post. It was a great way to start my morning.

txtaz
06-14-2005, 09:08 AM
Walt, Too funny. Thanks.
Wes