GKricheldorf
12-09-2004, 11:44 AM
The Guys' Rules
> >
> > At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down ...
> >
> > Finally, the guys' side of the story.
> > (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
> >
> >
> > We always hear "the rules"
> > from the female side.
> > Now here are the rules from the male side.
> > These are our rules!
> > Please note... these are all numbered "1"
> > ON PURPOSE!
> >
> > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
> > You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
> > We need it up, you need it down.
> > You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
> >
> > 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
> > or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
> >
> > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
>that way.
>
> >
> > 1. Crying is blackmail.
> >
> > 1. Ask for what you want.
> > Let us be clear on this one:
> > Subtle hints do not work!
> > Strong hints do not work!
> > Obvious hints do not work!
> > Just say it!
> >
> > 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.
> >
> > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it . That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> >
> > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> >
> > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> >
> > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>
> >
> > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
> >
> >
> > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the way
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> >
> > 1. You can either ask us to do something
> > or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
> > If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >
> > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> > commercials.
> >
> > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
> >
> > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach
>for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumkin is also a fruit. We have no
>idea what Mauve is.
>
> > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> >
> > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like
>nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
> >
> > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
> >
> > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> > fine...Really.
> >
> > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
> > 1. You have enough clothes.
> >
> > 1. You have too many shoes.
> >
> > 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
> >
> > 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
>couch
> > tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
>camping.
> >
> > Pass this to as many men as you can -
> > to give them a laugh.
> >
> > Pass this to as many women as you can -
> > to give them a bigger laugh!!
> >
> > At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down ...
> >
> > Finally, the guys' side of the story.
> > (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
> >
> >
> > We always hear "the rules"
> > from the female side.
> > Now here are the rules from the male side.
> > These are our rules!
> > Please note... these are all numbered "1"
> > ON PURPOSE!
> >
> > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
> > You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
> > We need it up, you need it down.
> > You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
> >
> > 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
> > or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
> >
> > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
>that way.
>
> >
> > 1. Crying is blackmail.
> >
> > 1. Ask for what you want.
> > Let us be clear on this one:
> > Subtle hints do not work!
> > Strong hints do not work!
> > Obvious hints do not work!
> > Just say it!
> >
> > 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.
> >
> > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it . That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> >
> > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> >
> > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> >
> > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>
> >
> > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
> >
> >
> > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the way
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> >
> > 1. You can either ask us to do something
> > or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
> > If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >
> > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> > commercials.
> >
> > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
> >
> > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach
>for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumkin is also a fruit. We have no
>idea what Mauve is.
>
> > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> >
> > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like
>nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
> >
> > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
> >
> > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> > fine...Really.
> >
> > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
> > 1. You have enough clothes.
> >
> > 1. You have too many shoes.
> >
> > 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
> >
> > 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
>couch
> > tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
>camping.
> >
> > Pass this to as many men as you can -
> > to give them a laugh.
> >
> > Pass this to as many women as you can -
> > to give them a bigger laugh!!