ChromeGorilla
10-12-2004, 08:33 AM
Feeding off the other Yankee-Sox thread inspired me to visit one of my favorite sites.....soxsuck.com....a sample for the masses....
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Boston Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Red Sox fans, too. Not really knowing what a Red Sox fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Red Sox fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees fan, too!" The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be a Red Sox fan."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Rangers Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Rangers fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were," said the reporter. "Yankees Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Yankees fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Rangers or Yankees. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Red Sox fan," the child replied. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard from Boston kills Beloved Family Pet."
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The man answers, "241."
"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The lady answers, "144."
"That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!".
Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The person answers, "51."
Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says,
"GO RED SOX"!!
A church going young man was walking down the street in Boston when the clouds above parted and God himself appeared before him. A booming voice said, "Jimmy, for all the good you have done for your church and your community, I shall grant you five wishes!" The young man thought real hard and asked for two million dollars; one million to his church and the other million for his family. God said, "Done!" His second wish was for all sick people to be cured. God said, "Done, everyone is now in perfect health!" His third wish was to be married to a sexy actress like Jessica Alba. God said, "Done, Jessica will be at home with a hot plate of food waiting for you!" Jimmy's fourth wish was to have a brand new Corvette. He felt a set of keys in his pocket as God said, "Done, it's in your garage. You're now down to your final wish so make it good." Jimmy thought, and thought, and finally asked for this to be the year that his beloved Red Sox finally win the World Series. God looked at him in silence for a minute, and then said, "Seriously Jimmy, do you want your Corvette in jet black or fire engine red?"
Little Johnny was in his fourth grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All of the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher questioned him about his dad. The boy hesitated, and finally said, "Well, my father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret, he takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the back alley with some guy and give him a special show for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken, hurriedly sent the other children to work on some coloring and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is this really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny, "He plays for the Boston Red Sox, but I was too embarrassed to say so."
A logic problem:
A person finds themselves locked in a room with the following:
a gun
two bullets
a rattlesnake
a bengal tiger
and, a Red Sox fan
What should that person do?
Their first inclination would be, of course, to shoot the Red Sox fan twice. But, the correct response would be to shoot the snake and the tiger, leaving the Red Sox fan to suffer for another 86 years.
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Boston Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Red Sox fans, too. Not really knowing what a Red Sox fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Red Sox fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees fan, too!" The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be a Red Sox fan."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Rangers Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Rangers fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were," said the reporter. "Yankees Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Yankees fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Rangers or Yankees. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Red Sox fan," the child replied. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard from Boston kills Beloved Family Pet."
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The man answers, "241."
"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The lady answers, "144."
"That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!".
Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The person answers, "51."
Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says,
"GO RED SOX"!!
A church going young man was walking down the street in Boston when the clouds above parted and God himself appeared before him. A booming voice said, "Jimmy, for all the good you have done for your church and your community, I shall grant you five wishes!" The young man thought real hard and asked for two million dollars; one million to his church and the other million for his family. God said, "Done!" His second wish was for all sick people to be cured. God said, "Done, everyone is now in perfect health!" His third wish was to be married to a sexy actress like Jessica Alba. God said, "Done, Jessica will be at home with a hot plate of food waiting for you!" Jimmy's fourth wish was to have a brand new Corvette. He felt a set of keys in his pocket as God said, "Done, it's in your garage. You're now down to your final wish so make it good." Jimmy thought, and thought, and finally asked for this to be the year that his beloved Red Sox finally win the World Series. God looked at him in silence for a minute, and then said, "Seriously Jimmy, do you want your Corvette in jet black or fire engine red?"
Little Johnny was in his fourth grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All of the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher questioned him about his dad. The boy hesitated, and finally said, "Well, my father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret, he takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the back alley with some guy and give him a special show for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken, hurriedly sent the other children to work on some coloring and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is this really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny, "He plays for the Boston Red Sox, but I was too embarrassed to say so."
A logic problem:
A person finds themselves locked in a room with the following:
a gun
two bullets
a rattlesnake
a bengal tiger
and, a Red Sox fan
What should that person do?
Their first inclination would be, of course, to shoot the Red Sox fan twice. But, the correct response would be to shoot the snake and the tiger, leaving the Red Sox fan to suffer for another 86 years.