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View Full Version : Hmmh, scholarships available...



ToonaFish
06-15-2004, 09:30 PM
Evening classes for men. Starting this month!

Sign up early and get a discount on registration!

*Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants.

1. How To Fill Ice-Cube Trays -- Step by step with slide presentation.

2. Toilet Rolls: Do they grow on the holders? -- Roundtable discussion.

3. Differences Between the Laundry Basket and the Floor -- Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.

4. The After-Meal Plates and Cutlery: Can they levitate and fly into kitchen sink or dishwasher? -- Debate among panel of experts.

5. Loss of Virility: Losing the remote control to your significant other -- Help line and support groups.

6. Learning How to Find Things, Starting with Looking in the Right Place, Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming -- Open forum.

7. Health Watch: Bringing her flowers is NOT harmful to your health. PowerPoint presentation. (Gladiolas are a very cheap but beautiful flower!!)

8. Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly as She Parallel Parks? Driving simulation.

9. Living with Adults: Basic differences between your mother and your wife. On-line class and role-playing.

10. How To Be The Ideal Shopping Companion -- Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

11. Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates, and Calling When You're Going to Be Late -- Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

12. Getting Over It: Learning to live with being wrong all the time. Individual counselors available.

Rootsy
06-15-2004, 09:47 PM
i've already taken that entire cirriculum. i failed most of it.. can i just have a scholorship to do something easy? i was thinking a 2nd undergrad... in FORESTRY :yes:

Ed Donnelly
06-16-2004, 12:18 AM
Had my wife stand in for me on all the courses. She aced everyone. I am sooo proud of her. Makes life around the house so much easier...Ed

DonziChick
06-16-2004, 11:56 AM
well if you boys find those classes too hard you could try these :)

TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-mesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 2AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket ! After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

:smile:

Fish boy
06-16-2004, 02:01 PM
Toona and DOnziChick,
do you by any chance have the curriculum listed in english? I keep looking at the post above, but cannot make any sense out of it. Words, words, words... nothing. What does it all mean?

Fish :wink:

Sport
06-16-2004, 02:28 PM
After awhile it all sounds just like Charlie Brown's school teacher, wah, wah, wah & wah, wah ! These days I just shut up and knod my head.

Sport

Cuda
06-16-2004, 09:05 PM
Blasphemy!!!!!! :shocking: :shocking:

Ed Donnelly
06-16-2004, 09:11 PM
DonziChick Took the 2 yr. course you mentioned and aced it with a 96%. I was just sooo excited to get home and show the boss my marks, that I forgot to take my shoes off at the back door. WELL, she clobbered me on the head with my new frying pan. When I came to, I had forgotten everything I was taught. The only thing that came to me was, " Get me a beer bitch."...Loving and tender Ed