harbormaster
03-31-2004, 04:31 AM
1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between
a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't
"HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish,
collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make
up "a mess" (as in "a mess" of greens).
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder."
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long
"directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back
directly. (generally pronounced dreckly)
5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme
some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular
sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on
the middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by"
is. They might not use the term, but they know the
concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the
best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got
trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana
puddin')
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the
difference between "right near" and "a right far
(pronounced "fur")piece." They also know that "just
down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands
the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
po' white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
with the flashing turn signal is actually going to
make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used
as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. (As in, I was fixin
to go over to BettyLou's. Or, we had a huge Christmas
dinner with all the fixins. Or Are you fixin my car
next?)
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term
"booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive,
as in "that ol' booger," a first name, or something
that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you
senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing
in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and
when we're IN, not ON, line we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of
them will discover they're related, even if only by
marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to only one person as
"y'all"... more than three is way more than one, it's
"all y'all".
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how
to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful;
that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food We
recognize milk gravy when we see it, know what to do
with it and wonder what the heck you other people eat
on your biscuits.
18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet
milk." Sweet tea indicates it contains sugar and lots
of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened . "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream
obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on
the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go
your own way.
a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't
"HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish,
collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make
up "a mess" (as in "a mess" of greens).
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder."
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long
"directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back
directly. (generally pronounced dreckly)
5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme
some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular
sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on
the middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by"
is. They might not use the term, but they know the
concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the
best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got
trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana
puddin')
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the
difference between "right near" and "a right far
(pronounced "fur")piece." They also know that "just
down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands
the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
po' white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
with the flashing turn signal is actually going to
make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used
as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. (As in, I was fixin
to go over to BettyLou's. Or, we had a huge Christmas
dinner with all the fixins. Or Are you fixin my car
next?)
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term
"booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive,
as in "that ol' booger," a first name, or something
that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you
senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing
in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and
when we're IN, not ON, line we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of
them will discover they're related, even if only by
marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to only one person as
"y'all"... more than three is way more than one, it's
"all y'all".
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how
to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful;
that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food We
recognize milk gravy when we see it, know what to do
with it and wonder what the heck you other people eat
on your biscuits.
18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet
milk." Sweet tea indicates it contains sugar and lots
of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened . "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream
obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on
the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go
your own way.