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harbormaster
02-05-2003, 08:54 PM
http://www.donzi.net/photos/frencharmy.jpg

Donzi Blackhawk
02-05-2003, 09:24 PM
Don't forget the backup lights installed as standard equipment on all of their tanks!

Digger
02-06-2003, 11:04 AM
question: why do the French tree-line their streets?

answer: Germans like to march in the shade

olemissalum
02-07-2003, 10:05 AM
Has to be the only country in the modern era that managed to surrender an entire country in a 24 hour period!!! The French are pus#$#$@$ !!!

mattyboy
02-07-2003, 10:41 AM
only 2 things come from france
bagettes and fagettes

damn frogs

matt

DonRatto
02-08-2003, 02:57 PM
I have been to Paris 3 times, the last time I was there I got a chance to watch a soccer game, which sucked, but the halftime show was cool they had a whole bunch of guys parachute into the middle of the stadium, took 5 minutes and the the President of France was there to offer a full surrender!!!! I hate that country bigtime :mad:

Gearhead99
02-08-2003, 06:18 PM
Gun Sale

French army rifles for sale.
Like new condition
Never shot, only dropped once !!!!!

Walt. H.
02-11-2003, 01:37 AM
THe French must have forgotten about who fought and died for them in WW1 & WW2! So many Americans are buried over there! Those ungrateful bas cussball !!!!!!! Have short memories. Those's are my feeling's sorry!

Fish boy
02-11-2003, 07:48 AM
Plot thickens for the chickens. It was announced that the French will block NATO participation in defneding NATO ally Turkey should they be attacked by Iraq. Hello??? You can't surrender yet, it is an alliance. Remember alliance??? You hit the nail on the head Walt.

Unbelievable! :mad:

Digger
02-13-2003, 05:53 AM
Currently making the rounds in the military community: The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War - Tied.

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does
most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the
French bloodline.

- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Team Jefe
02-13-2003, 08:12 AM
Digger - Thanks for the history and the quote. It is priceless. Here is another one from our esteemed Mr. Ross Perot:

"I've been advised we need the French along to teach the Iraqis how to surrender."

JEFE

boxy
02-13-2003, 08:28 AM
We've had problems with these SOB's ever since the British kicked their asses, then gave them back Quebec ....

Ottawa's take on France (http://www.canoe.ca/Columnists/madely.html)

PS: Digger - we may not be a world power now, but there were a lot of good Canadian soldiers standing side by side with you on the beaches in both WWI, and II.

abelchinewalker
02-13-2003, 09:15 AM
Great history lesson Digger,

They might not have a good military, but they did give us...

French-

Fries
Toast
Onion Soup
and of course Kiss.

Donnie

Walt. H.
02-13-2003, 10:43 AM
WOW!!! = Well put "DIGGER" Their History, and That track record, saids it all!! Why would anyone want to rely on them! If you do it's your own Fault! :mad:

Digger
02-13-2003, 02:13 PM
Boxy, you're right, and no American should ever forget Canada's role in getting some of our Iranian hostages out!

boxy
02-13-2003, 11:45 PM
Digger, I think we still think we owe you more than a few, but you're right, Ken Taylor is a hell of a man to have on your side.
Iran Crisis (http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/resource/speeches/1981/61681c.htm)

Terry0341
02-14-2003, 01:28 PM
Well, We have an ocean between us and them, we have the best Military in the world, and we are not chicken ****'s! I say we let all the pussies that are neigbors to Iraq deal with him how they want, take all our aid away from them and we go in on our own and kick his F--king ass for good! And so we don't have to loose any of our great American soliders, we should bomb them back to the stone age!

How quickly they forget that we have saved thier Ass! cussball :mad:

abelchinewalker
02-14-2003, 02:39 PM
Terry,

Don't hold back why don't you tell us how you really feel.

Donnie

Fish boy
02-15-2003, 04:12 PM
Terry, don't you mean bomb them UP to the stone age?

Terry0341
02-16-2003, 10:36 AM
Sorry about the mistake, UP to the stone age is correct. Sorry if I was indirect or cloudy on my position! :D

RH
02-16-2003, 08:55 PM
France had better wake up and smell the coffee! Allies they are not. I'm still ticked at them not letting us fly over when we took care of Maomar Khadafy. They will pay in the end as usual. The facts are going to come out on the **(^&&*% that Saddam has. The medicine will be alot easier now then paying later on! Lets show our support for all of the men and women who protect our nation. God Bless America!
RH

harbormaster
02-22-2003, 12:48 PM
The latest ...

Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A:Sunburned armpits.

Q: Anyone hear about the new tank that was designed by the French?
A:It has 1 gear for forward and 6 for reverse

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it has never happened

Q: What do you call 100,00 Frenchmen with their arms in the air?
A: The French Army

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy

Q: How do you tell a French airplane from all others?
A: It's the one with the hair under the wings.

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender

***********************

"France is now being hit by an extreme heat-wave, so the French government is advising its citizens to "stay indoors and do nothing" ... You know, like they did in WWII...."

***********************

An American, An Englishman, and A Frenchman are walking along a beach when they come across a magic lamp. The American picks it up and rubs it and out comes the Genie. The Genie looks them over and says, "Since there are three of you, you will get one wish each."

The American thinks for a moment and says, "My Grandfather was a farmer, my father was a farmer, I'm a farmer, and my son will be a farmer. I want America to be the most fertile, agricultural nation on earth."

*Poof* "It is done!"

The Frenchman is impressed with the wish, thinks about it for a moment and says, "My country has been invaded many times. I want France to be surrounded by a wall to protect it from all enemies."

*Poof* "It is done!

Englishman, it is time for your wish!" "Before I give my wish," the Englishman says, "Tell me about this French wall." "It is one hundred feet high, and fifty feet thick," the Genie replies. "Nothing can go in or out through it!" "Wonderful, for my wish, fill it with water."

****************************

In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: "Ask him about the cemeteries Dean!"

So at end of the meeting Dean did ask DeGaulle if his order to remove all U.S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldiers buried in France from World War I and World War II.

DeGaulle never answered.

harbormaster
02-22-2003, 12:49 PM
Subject: Travel Advisory


The following advisory for American travelers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the U.S. State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only and no guarantee of accuracy is ensured or intended.

General Overview
**************** France is a medium-sized foreign country situated on the continent of Europe, and is, for all intents and purposes, ****ing useless. It is an important member of the world community, although not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a very old country with many treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, although many will speak English if shouted at repeatedly.

The People
********** France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously over sexed and have no concept of standing patiently in a line. The French people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual recognition. French women don't shave their armpits or their legs.

Safety
****** In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are advised that France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitors generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London.

History
******* France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have had their asses kicked by just about every other country in the world.

Government
********** The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (although, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom can be trusted. Parliament's principal pre occupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the current President is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

Culture
******* The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy to see why. All of their songs sound the same and they have hardly ever made a movie that you want to watch for anything except the nude scenes. Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel (except perhaps an evening with a French family.)

Cuisine
******* Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. American travelers are therefore advised to stick to cheeseburgers at McDonald's or the restaurants at the leading hotels such as Sheraton or Holiday Inn. Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are nothing but a poor excuse for such.

Economy
******* France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's economy in Europe, which is surprising since people hardly ever work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, mis- cellaneous armaments and cheese.

Conclusion
********** France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French people didn't inhabit it, and it weren't still radioactive from all the nuclear tests they run. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Spain. Remember no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do the same.

Regards, George W. Bush President, United States of America

HyperDonzi
02-22-2003, 01:24 PM
abelchinewalker:
Great history lesson Digger,

They might not have a good military, but they did give us...

French-

Fries
Toast
Onion Soup
and of course Kiss.

DonnieThey didnt even give us the french fry. It is Belgian.

Fish boy
02-25-2003, 08:57 PM
Appears the danish are sick of the French as well. Great article (also short):

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_754383.html?menu=news.quirkies

Terry0341
02-26-2003, 09:49 AM
LMAO, great articles thank you for the pick me up!

abelchinewalker
03-04-2003, 11:11 AM
> I don't know if this is for real but sounds good to me,
>
> Dear Dad,
>
> A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia): A
>
> French army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought
> we (Americans) were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war
> in Iraq.
>
> He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the
>
> support of France.
>
> I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's
>
> rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their
> ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface [again] at some point in the
> near future anyway.
>
> I also told him that is why France is a third-rate military power
> with a
> socialist economy and a bunch of pansies for soldiers. I additionally
> told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words,
> would do whatever it had to do, and France's support, if it ever came,
> was only for show anyway.
>
> Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the
> burden, and provide 85% of the support, as evidenced by the fact that
> this French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other
> way around.
>
> He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he
> would
> like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and whip
> his ass in front of the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus
> demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than
> the average Frenchman.
>
> He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.
>
> With friends like these, who needs enemies?
>
> Dad, tell Mom I love her,
>
> Your loving daughter,
> Mary Beth Johnson
> LtCol., USMC

Fish boy
03-04-2003, 03:03 PM
I think I would rather have Mary Beth in my corner any day!