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Digger
01-10-2003, 11:53 AM
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold & wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points towards the ceiling.

SYMPTOM Feet warm & wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale & tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself tied to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTIO N: Get another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Make sure you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect & texture.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you & smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on any woman with large breasts.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
FAULT: It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room your in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Donzi Blackhawk
01-10-2003, 03:10 PM
Now that was funny!!! :D

Fish boy
01-10-2003, 07:20 PM
LMAO!!! That was really funny.

Brad Lyon
01-10-2003, 08:44 PM
Good one Digger! I must forward it to a few people I know that will really enjoy it!

Brad

mattyboy
01-10-2003, 11:32 PM
WELCOME TO MY WORLD

Terry0341
01-12-2003, 05:46 PM
:D :D :D

RedDog
01-14-2003, 10:27 AM
http://www.donzi.net/photos/6beers.gif

Tom Davis
01-14-2003, 11:19 AM
Nice Digger, all good things to keep in mind when visiting the Winni Bandits... kind of like last summer! :D eek! :cool:

ToonaFish
01-14-2003, 07:50 PM
Here kitty kitty... http://www.donzi.net/photos/catcarrier.jpg

goatee
01-15-2003, 02:53 AM
"BEER" its not just for breakfast anymore!!!!

mattyboy
01-15-2003, 07:11 AM
all the girls get prettier at closing time

Matt