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2biguns
10-14-2002, 10:59 AM
Here's a surprisingly accurate e-mail I received this morning from a friend.

Subject: BEAUTIFUL ALABAMA AND THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE

Things I've learned about Alabama .....

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Alabama.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a couple no one's seen before.

Possums will eat anything.

Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Fixinto is one word.

A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation, watterin' the cows, wimming, or a weekly bath.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.

Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.

Backards and forwards means I know everything about you.

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

Darn near everyone knows 5 or more cloud types (guess they got to be look'n out for them there ternayders (translation: tornados)

More Alabamanisms:

You know you're from Alabama if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.

9. You know what "cow tipping" is.

10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

11. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

12. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

13. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

14. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

15. You know whether another Alabamian is from east, west, north or south Alabama as soon as they open their mouth.

16. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

17. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

18. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example "What kinna coke you want?"

19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Alabama

harbormaster
10-15-2002, 07:20 AM
Steve,
Down here we have two seasons; too hot and too cold.
I guess most of those apply to Texas too.
Just ask Lenny...

Donzigo
10-15-2002, 09:05 AM
Makes sense to me. I grew up in Griffin, Georgia.

Very cute.

HyperDonzi
10-15-2002, 05:42 PM
LOL!
Speaking of christmas, I think we need to decorate the trees this weekend before it gets cold and icy. they will be plugged in to celebrate christs birthday a few months in advance but we wont have to worry about slipping and landing into the front lawn.

2biguns
10-16-2002, 03:53 PM
Ah, yes, our famous Oktoberfest which is proudly billed by those who keep our county "special" as being the WORLD'S LARGEST NON-ALCOHOLIC GERMAN FESTIVAL..

For those of you living in the civilized world, there are several counties in Alabama where the 21st Amendment to the US Constitution (repealing prohibition) is ignored and the sale of alcohol is prohibited. Cullman, which was founded by Germans, is one of those enlightened counties prohibiting the sale of booze in any form. Just imagine the thrill of german sausages with no beer :mad: :mad: :mad:

As a form of protest, we sold our house in Cullman and have relocated to a pleasant community in the outskirts of town known as "Valley Grove" inhabited by scores of outlaws, inbreds and other low-life souls whose least concern is whether John T. Law comes checking on the beer supply. I figure with neighbors like these, my violation of the dry laws will pass as insignificant. Plus, Amy and I can proudly proclaim that we are the first Episcopalians in history to live in Valley Grove (actually, I think we may also be the first Episcopalians to live in a trailer :D

rong
10-16-2002, 08:02 PM
Texas has some dry counties (one is east of Fort Worth) but just go to the local sports bar and buy a membership in the "club" (just a few dollars) and check your gun(s) at the door and drink all you like. I found Huntsville (AL) interesting. It wasn't dry but if you go to a strip club, guess what- NO ALCOHOL??? On the other hand, go to Virginia and the way to buy alcohol is by the case or keg in a drive through bay (sort of like a gas station). Filler UP! No six packs sold! Now go to Toronto and the beer is at the "BEER STORE" only. Comes rolling out on a conveyor from the back room frig. I guess you can tell my hobby.