2biguns
03-28-2003, 10:14 AM
They say confession is the first step to healing. We'll, here goes:
Hello group. My name is Steve and I am a Male Chauvinist Pig.
A couple of weeks ago, the weatherman down here said those magic words Amy and I had been waiting for: "Sunny with hi's nearing 70." I had vowed all winter that I did not care if it was during February, when the temp shot up we were heading to the lake. My mechanic had already gone down to the dock and replaced the freeze plugs, connected the hoses and got her ready to crank. After all, I reasoned that if another freeze were to creep into the forecast I could always go re-winterize the engines (we store our boat on a hydro-hoist lift at my parents' home--I was smart enough to offer to pay for 1/2 of the dock when my dad built it so I could at least claim some interest in lake-front property).
The weekend prior to the fateful Saturday, Amy and I had gone down to the lake to clean up the boat and put a new coat of wax on the bow. Smart one that I am, I hooked a charger up to the batteries just to be sure there was enough juice to fire up the engines.
When the warm Saturday finally arrived, we could not wait to head down and hit the water. Supplies packed, beverages cooled and sunglasses polished, we headed to the dock, pulled the cover, lowered the boat and I reached under the rear seat to switch on the batteries. I got behind the wheel anxious to get things rolling.
As some will recall, we had a slight problem with our "new" boat last fall when the starboard engine decided that it would operate better with a 2 inch hole in the block over the oil pan. Since that fateful day, superstition has caused me to always crank that engine last. Don't know why--I'm just odd.
Turned the key to the port engine, got gas flowing and after just a few turns it fired right up. Good pressure, temp stayed down, warmed up perfectly and returned to a nice idle.
Then time for the devil engine. Since replacing both engines, the starboard engine has always been a bit cold natured but I've never had a problem with it starting. Until THAT DAY.
I cranked and cranked and cranked and cranked with no fire at all. Made sure the kill switch had not inadvertently come undone (not thinking that if the port engine were purring like a kitten, it can't be the switch). Nothing.
Checked to make sure gear in neutral. Checked all circuit breakers. Crawled back to the back and checked all the connections, plug wires, coil wire--nothing. Piece of crap. Hunk of junk. Who likes boats anyway.
Swapped batteries between the engines thinking that maybe a dead cell would do it (I was ill, don't ask my why). Still nothing.
All the while, my darling wife was sitting quietly next to me asking if there was anything I could do. "No, just let me check this would you"
I said something about the coil being bad. "What's wrong with the oil" she politely asked.
"Not oil, COIL"
"Well, did you check the oil?"
"Oil pressure is up when I'm cranking and it's got oil--IT'S NOT THE OIL"
"Asshole"
"If you don't want to wait, then go on home"
"fine"
"Just let me think please"
After what seemed like forever of trying everything I could do, I was ready to pack it in and head back to the metal mansion (we're still living in a trailer) and fume the rest of the day. Then Amy, who was straightening out the mess under the back seat, asked about the battery switch and whether she should "jiggle this knob thingy right here."
Before I could tell her to stop and leave it alone, she had turned the battery switch a slight twist.
Of course, the engine fired up as soon as she touched it.
I am a pig.
Women do have a place in the world of nautical mechanics.
Never again shall I denegrate a female when she asks about knob thingies.
Never again will I tell Amy "Don't touch that."
<small>[ March 28, 2003, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: Harbormaster ]</small>
Hello group. My name is Steve and I am a Male Chauvinist Pig.
A couple of weeks ago, the weatherman down here said those magic words Amy and I had been waiting for: "Sunny with hi's nearing 70." I had vowed all winter that I did not care if it was during February, when the temp shot up we were heading to the lake. My mechanic had already gone down to the dock and replaced the freeze plugs, connected the hoses and got her ready to crank. After all, I reasoned that if another freeze were to creep into the forecast I could always go re-winterize the engines (we store our boat on a hydro-hoist lift at my parents' home--I was smart enough to offer to pay for 1/2 of the dock when my dad built it so I could at least claim some interest in lake-front property).
The weekend prior to the fateful Saturday, Amy and I had gone down to the lake to clean up the boat and put a new coat of wax on the bow. Smart one that I am, I hooked a charger up to the batteries just to be sure there was enough juice to fire up the engines.
When the warm Saturday finally arrived, we could not wait to head down and hit the water. Supplies packed, beverages cooled and sunglasses polished, we headed to the dock, pulled the cover, lowered the boat and I reached under the rear seat to switch on the batteries. I got behind the wheel anxious to get things rolling.
As some will recall, we had a slight problem with our "new" boat last fall when the starboard engine decided that it would operate better with a 2 inch hole in the block over the oil pan. Since that fateful day, superstition has caused me to always crank that engine last. Don't know why--I'm just odd.
Turned the key to the port engine, got gas flowing and after just a few turns it fired right up. Good pressure, temp stayed down, warmed up perfectly and returned to a nice idle.
Then time for the devil engine. Since replacing both engines, the starboard engine has always been a bit cold natured but I've never had a problem with it starting. Until THAT DAY.
I cranked and cranked and cranked and cranked with no fire at all. Made sure the kill switch had not inadvertently come undone (not thinking that if the port engine were purring like a kitten, it can't be the switch). Nothing.
Checked to make sure gear in neutral. Checked all circuit breakers. Crawled back to the back and checked all the connections, plug wires, coil wire--nothing. Piece of crap. Hunk of junk. Who likes boats anyway.
Swapped batteries between the engines thinking that maybe a dead cell would do it (I was ill, don't ask my why). Still nothing.
All the while, my darling wife was sitting quietly next to me asking if there was anything I could do. "No, just let me check this would you"
I said something about the coil being bad. "What's wrong with the oil" she politely asked.
"Not oil, COIL"
"Well, did you check the oil?"
"Oil pressure is up when I'm cranking and it's got oil--IT'S NOT THE OIL"
"Asshole"
"If you don't want to wait, then go on home"
"fine"
"Just let me think please"
After what seemed like forever of trying everything I could do, I was ready to pack it in and head back to the metal mansion (we're still living in a trailer) and fume the rest of the day. Then Amy, who was straightening out the mess under the back seat, asked about the battery switch and whether she should "jiggle this knob thingy right here."
Before I could tell her to stop and leave it alone, she had turned the battery switch a slight twist.
Of course, the engine fired up as soon as she touched it.
I am a pig.
Women do have a place in the world of nautical mechanics.
Never again shall I denegrate a female when she asks about knob thingies.
Never again will I tell Amy "Don't touch that."
<small>[ March 28, 2003, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: Harbormaster ]</small>